The Apartment Cat

02/09/2026

🗞️ FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 🗞️
Official statement from Management, on behalf of the Crown 👑🐈
Issued: 2 September 2026

Management is aware of certain photographs currently circulating which purport to show a white cat 🐈 asleep on a shelf in a retail establishment.

We have no knowledge of these events.

We do not know that cat.
That cat is not His Highness.
His Highness was not on that shelf.
His Highness has never fallen asleep in a retail aisle.

Furthermore, His Highness does not shop. 🛍️

Reports that His Highness may have consumed an inadvisable quantity of nip 🌿, lost track of the evening 🥃 and subsequently regained consciousness in an unfamiliar retail environment are entirely false.

His Highness has no recollection of any such event.

This is not an admission. 😼

In the entirely hypothetical event that His Highness were ever required to enter a supermarket, his standards are well documented. Think white, semi-transparent shopping bags. Prepared meals. Unreasonably expensive berries. 🍓

For everything else, there is The Apartment Cat. 👑🐈‍⬛

Management would also like to address the deeply offensive suggestion that a cat — who, to be absolutely clear, is not His Highness — could constitute a “hygiene concern”.

Were said cat hypothetically His Highness, which it is not, His Highness would be deeply offended.

His personal grooming operation is rigorous. 🐾✨ Inspections are conducted throughout the day. Compliance is absolute.

We will not be accepting hygiene allegations from a species that touches a trolley handle 🛒 and then eats a pie.

There will be no further comment. 🥃

We do not know the cat.
We do not know the shelf.
We do not know how anyone got there.

We were never there. 🐈‍⬛🐾

However.

Hypothetically, if His Highness were to consume an inadvisable quantity of exceptionally good catnip, it would obviously be Catmint Diesel. 🌿😼

The best nip money can buy.

Not that he did.

We know nothing about that either. 🥃

🌿 Catmint Diesel:
https://theapartmentcat.co.za/products/premium-catnip-40g-catmint-diesel

— Management
For and on behalf of the Crown 👑

30/08/2026

Trust issues? Sensible. Tony respects due diligence. 🕵️

Real customers. Real cats. Real orders. 🐈‍⬛📦

Every parcel is checked, wrapped, dispatched and tracked across South Africa. The evidence has been entered into the public record. 📁

Swipe through the case file, then shop The Apartment: https://theapartmentcat.co.za/ 🔗

Tony doesn’t blink. 🐦

29/08/2026

New here? Management has issued a four-step survival plan. 📋

1. Feed the crown. 👑
2. Prevent a coup. 🧶
3. Manage the throne. 🚽
4. Apply small bribes. 🌿

Swipe for your official introduction to shopping under feline rule.

Shop The Apartment: https://theapartmentcat.co.za/ 🔗

No barking. No dogs. No snitching. 🐦

28/08/2026

Your cat owns the apartment. 👑 You merely live there.

The Apartment Cat is a South African online store built exclusively for cats—and the humans currently serving them. 🐈‍⬛

Food, treats, toys, litter, furniture, carriers, catnip and other royal necessities. Everything the crown requires, organised into departments because even organised crime needs administration. 🗂️

Enter The Apartment: https://theapartmentcat.co.za/ 🔗

24/08/2026

One delivery Management is always pleased to receive. 📦

♻️ Eco-friendly
🌿 Odour control
🚽 Flushable
🎀 Incredibly pretty

23/08/2026

Scientists call it the food chain.

The Crown calls it the organisational chart. 🐈‍⬛👑

Fish. Mouse. Bird. 🐟🐭🐥
Then Management, somewhere near unpaid intern. 🚶‍♀️

Know your place.

19/08/2026

The evidence keeps appearing on carpets, blankets and—during particularly hostile negotiations—inside shoes.

Management has opened a file. 🐈‍⬛

We investigated what actually helps with hairballs: specialised food, functional treats, moisture, cat grass, Laxapet, and regular brushing. We also cover when the case should be transferred directly to the vet.

Read the full report:
https://theapartmentcat.com/blogs/the-velvet-files/best-food-treats-cat-hairballs

No miracle cures. No innocent rugs. No loose ends.

What food helps cats with hairballs? For most adult cats, the most useful starting point is a complete hairball-control food with added dietary fibre, supported by regular brushing and adequate moisture. Functional treats, cat grass and hairball gels can play different supporting roles, but they are...

18/08/2026

Repeated kneading. Unauthorised occupation. Your blanket has been seized. 🐾

The Baker by Shears: double-fleece comfort for cats who have already claimed yours.

Now R219 until 31 August. Marmite has declined further questioning. 🤎

Shop at theapartmentcat.com

17/08/2026

A large shipment of AFP contraband has entered the building. 📦

Furry. Fuzzy. Crinkly. Catnippy. Suspiciously pretty.

Before any of it reaches the public, every item must undergo His Majesty’s rigorous inspection procedure:

Sniffed.
Batted.
Bitten.
Kicked repeatedly in the stomach.
Ignored for several hours to establish dominance.

These are only a few of the new arrivals. An entire box is currently being held for questioning.

Once the Crown is satisfied that each toy meets the Kingdom’s exacting standards, the collection will be released to the public.

No toy enters The Apartment Cat without royal clearance. 👑

17/08/2026

Five dog aisles. One sad cat shelf. We fixed it.

A whole store for cats—and the humans under their management. 🐈‍⬛

Shop The Apartment Cat → theapartmentcat.com