09/01/2026
This sounds like Portland at the Rose City Classic. I’ve stayed in that $60 hotel but never again.
There are TWO kinds of people at a dog show, and apparently there is NO middle class. 😂
First, you got THEM.
Their big ol’ fancy rigs are already sitting on the show grounds, leveled up, slides out, awnings stretched, generators humming, and kennel names professionally lettered down the sides big enough to be seen from the interstate.
They are SET. UP.
Grooming tables lined up. Matching crates. Fans blowing. Extension cords organized. Coolers full. Coffee brewing.
Probably got satellite TV, Wi-Fi, a washer and dryer and a small mortgage payment sitting on six tires.
Their setup looks like NASCAR met Westminster and opened a gated community.
Then you got…
THE REST OF US.
We’re 14 miles down the road at the $60-a-night Motel Sweet Baby Jesus Please Don’t Let Anyone Steal My Car.
I’m sitting cross-legged on a comforter I’m trying VERY hard not to inspect, eating Vienna sausages STRAIGHT OUT THE CAN and washing them down with a Coke Zero because after paying entries and buying gas, using a plate feels financially irresponsible.
The mini fridge contains dog bait, half a Coke Zero and absolutely NOTHING intended to sustain an adult human being.
Meanwhile, outside…
We got street hookers on the corner.
Somebody arguing three rooms down.
A vehicle that has started and shut off approximately 14 times.
And I’m about 97% sure I just watched a questionable little business transaction take place right beside us.
Now, I don’t know what was sold.
I don’t know what was purchased.
And for $60 a night, I HAVE DECIDED THAT IS BETWEEN THEM, JESUS AND POSSIBLY THE DEA.
But bless this man’s heart…
After completing whatever entrepreneurial endeavor he had going on, he saw me carrying stuff upstairs and politely offered to help with the dogs.
Sir.
That is mighty neighborly.
Should I be concerned?? 😂😂😂
“Thank you kindly, but I got ’em.”
Because whatever you just bought, sold, swapped, traded or bartered…
WE ARE NOT THROWING A CHINESE CRESTED IN TO SWEETEN THE DEAL.
Then I meet one of the ladies outside.
Her: “Hey girl, you want a smoke?”
Me: “Nah, honey, I’m good.”
Her: “Y’all win anything today with them dogs?”
Me: “Yeah, we won some ribbons.”
Her: “How much money you win?”
Me: “Money?! Girl… NOTHING. We actually PAY to do this.”
She just looks at me.
I look at her.
Then she says:
“Well damn… I just made $50 about ten minutes ago.”
…………
Ma’am.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WIN. 😂😂😂😂
Because at that exact moment, BOTH of us realized something.
She made $50 in the parking lot.
I spent several hundred dollars, drove hundreds of miles, slept at Motel Felony, ate Vienna sausages out of a can…
AND WON A THREE-DOLLAR RIBBON.
One of us has a successful business model.
AND APPARENTLY IT AIN’T ME.
Then she offers me another cigarette like she has officially determined I’m the one going through some things. 😂
Eventually I make it upstairs.
Deadbolt locked.
Chain latched.
Chair shoved under the doorknob.
I stood back and admired my security system.
Yep. That oughta inconvenience somebody for at least four seconds.
Meanwhile, back at the show grounds, the fancy folks are probably sitting under their awnings eating food that requires SILVERWARE.
And I’m at Motel Felony wearing socks because the carpet feels like it knows things.
But tomorrow morning?
I’m gonna spray this hair into submission, put on a $300 show outfit, grab a dog worth several thousand dollars, crack open another Coke Zero and walk into that show like I DIDN’T spend the night making friends with the local economy.
Because some dog-show people have the big rigs, fancy lettering and luxury setups.
The rest of us have Vienna sausages, Coke Zero, a $60 motel, a chair under the doorknob, a suspiciously polite parking-lot businessman and a new friend who apparently made more money in ten minutes than I did ALL DAY.
And every last one of us is doing this for the same reason:
To run around in a circle with a dog and hope a stranger points at us…
FOR A THREE-DOLLAR RIBBON.
Then we’ll drive home broke, exhausted and smelling like hairspray and dog bait while asking the most financially irresponsible question known to dog-show people:
“So… where are we showing next weekend?” 😂😂😂
