06/07/2026
The assault and battery that took place on Friday night has been investigated.... scenes of the incident, paw print dustings, interrogations completed...an arrest has been made.
Rocky "why do we have to get up so early" Sellar has been apprehended...his pugshot enclosed...and charged with the assault of a Sumter resident, the Bald Headed Freak. Said Bald Headed Freak has a small booboo on his head from the incident. It is believed Rocky pushed the BHF out of anger because of the insanely early hours kept at his home. A dog glove has been recovered at the scene.
Bail was posted by a brother of Rocky, a gentleman by the name of Pharaoh " I don't know norhing" Sellar. Picture enclosed.
Rocky has hired the famous attorney, Johnnie Barkran. In leaving the courthouse, Mr. Barkran told the large media presence, "If the paw glove doesn't fit, you must acquit."
