Take the Reins Ranch

05/08/2026

🤪

05/06/2026

Sure am. 😉

04/26/2026

A great read!

Emotions don’t belong

I’ve said it many times to my customers: you don’t get to be the emotional one. Your horse has enough feel for both of you. I stand by that every day. Confidently, I can practice what I preach - on horses.

I think it’s Clinton Anderson who says, “Frustration starts where knowledge ends.” I agree with that 100%.

My teenage daughter is really successful on her youth horse. They feel like they can read each other’s minds. But she hasn’t been riding as many different horses lately—and that matters. She’s got options—the perks of being a trainer’s kid. Now for the downsides.

I don’t treat her like a lesson—ever. It’s more “monkey see, monkey do.” I let her figure things out unless she asks for help. Anyone who’s tried to coach family knows… that’s usually the safer route.

⸻

Today she’s on a young one—a very talented mare. Very broke, but not one that tolerates much nonsense. She has a lot more feel than my kid is used to.

I’m trying not to watch, but I’ve got trainer’s eyes. I swear I can hear everything happening behind me in the arena. I can’t help it—those don’t shut off.

The mare’s getting more anxious. More worked up. Slower is turning into faster.
The kid’s getting irritated. Getting more aggressive out of frustration.

She’s smart. Stay out of it. Let the mare teach her.

⸻

Then I hear:

“Ugh, she won’t f****%$ #!”

Me: “How did you ask?”
Her: “Why is it always my fault?”
Me: “Because she always responds…”
Her: “I DID do that.”
Me: “I’m watching—you didn’t.”
Her. “Watch, she won’t listen”
Me. “I’ve told you 100 times not to do that.”

And just like that… now we’re both yelling.

The poor horse I’m on realizes none of this has anything to do with her. She c***s a leg and goes to sleep—honestly, she probably figured out before I did that this was going to take a while.

⸻

“Why do you instantly blame it on me?” she says.

“Because it’s almost always our fault. We got quick. We cued too fast. We did something different than normal. We didn’t communicate clearly. Look at her state of mind—how is she supposed to figure anything out when you’re that upset?”

And then it hits me—

I kind of want to smack myself with my own rein.

I’m understanding the horse perfectly…
but not listening to my kid at all.

Everyone’s frustrated.
No one’s learning.

⸻

So I took the emotion out.

Same idea.

I got on the mare, explained what I was doing and why—calmly. Brought her back to a thinking place instead of a defensive one. My daughter’s brain kicked back on.

In about 90 seconds: big to small, fast to slow. + 1/2, what she had been trying to do. A soft try. A lick and chew. A smile. An exhale.

⸻

We don’t get to be the emotional ones.

With horses? Easy.

Parenting a teenager?

Still a work in progress.

Ash

04/17/2026

04/02/2026