05/29/2026
Her Heart, My Heart, both broken
My 16 year old soul cat, Jan, had a cardio visit yesterday. We discovered that she has restrictive cardiomyopathy and has entered congestive heart failure. It came as a shock, even to the cardiologist, because she is presenting so well day to day.
We’re starting her on meds immediately. She gets lab tests in 2 weeks to see how her kidneys are (her kidneys have always been fine) and we see the cardiologist again in 3 months.
I know she is not actively dying or in pain at this time. But I feel scared and sad. I’m terrified that a crisis will occur and she’ll pass afraid and in pain. It also is so disorienting that she has this terminal condition while sitting in the sun, asking for food, initiating cuddling.
It’s just me and her, so I’m afraid now to travel or leave her alone for a significant period of time. I’m her person, I can’t let her down.
I would let her go right this minute if I knew it was the best decision. But she’s acting like nothing is wrong. I don’t know how to do this.