11/12/2025
This
- My dog is friendly, but no, l don’t want you to touch my dog! -
This is not to say you don’t ever let any one say hi to your dog. But you should not think you are obligated to. And you should not feel that you are not allowed to say no.
Practise saying no can help our dogs to not default to super arousal, and in the case of reactivity, greatly help them to feel protected, so they can stay calm, relaxed, and engaged in us in the presence of other people and dogs.
In nature, it is not normal for a dog to keep treating everyone as their best friend. Dogs have a default sense of “this is an outsider”, which is part of their survival instinct, when it comes to someone outside of their pack.
This is not to say they will attack every stranger. But it is normal for them to be cautious in the beginning.
If we keep allowing - or even inviting - strangers and dogs to invade the space of our dogs unchecked, it can cause this dog to seriously question “how come no one is protecting me from any of these outsiders?” and become wary and hence defensive of other people and dogs.
This can lead to a great sense of insecurity, resulting in a dog that is easily spooked, always on high alert, and constantly anxious.
In our society, we always ask, “is this dog friendly?” - as if a friendly dog will somehow automatically become public property.
Eventhough we are friendly people, it does not turn my wife, my daughters, my car, and my home into public properties. Why put such an unfair and unreasonable expectation on our dogs?
“Yes my dog is friendly, but no, we don’t want you to touch my dog” should not be an offensive thing to say.
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