10/14/2026
Don't let this happen to you! No overnight travel needed! 🤣 Build Majors in your breed at our Nov 7 - 8 shows right here Salisbury Maryland Kennel Club! 🐾🐾 Entries close one week from today! Don't trust snail mail - enter online at Infodog.com!
THE DOG SHOW PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION! 😂🐾
Well, y’all, I’ve decided that before anybody is allowed to enter another dog show, they should be required to undergo a complete psychiatric evaluation.
Not because I think we’re crazy.
But because I’ve seen what some of y’all do for a 37-cent ribbon, and somebody needs to investigate!
So picture this.
DOCTOR: Good morning. What brings you in today?
PATIENT: My husband says I have a problem.
DOCTOR: What kind of problem?
PATIENT: Apparently, I spend too much money traveling around the country showing dogs.
DOCTOR: How much money?
PATIENT: Are you working for the IRS?
DOCTOR: No, ma’am. I’m a psychiatrist.
PATIENT: Oh, thank God. Because I’ve got three credit cards he doesn’t know about.
DOCTOR: Do you frequently make impulsive financial decisions?
PATIENT: Absolutely not! I study the judging panels, calculate the entries, check for majors, compare hotel rates, and THEN spend $1,400 to win a ribbon worth 37 cents.
DOCTOR: I see. Do you ever hear voices?
PATIENT: All the time.
DOCTOR: What do they say?
PATIENT: “They’re calling your class!” “The major broke!” “Who’s got my armband?” And occasionally, “WHOSE DOG IS LOOSE?”
DOCTOR: Do you experience anxiety?
PATIENT: Only when the superintendent hasn’t posted the judging program.
DOCTOR: Do you have trouble sleeping?
PATIENT: Not really. I get a good three hours before my 3:30 a.m. alarm goes off.
DOCTOR: That’s not healthy.
PATIENT: Neither is the concession stand food, but here we are.
DOCTOR: Have you ever experienced hallucinations?
PATIENT: Well, I once thought I saw a five-point major in the catalog, but by Saturday morning, three dogs had been pulled.
DOCTOR: Do you have obsessive tendencies?
PATIENT: No.
DOCTOR: Are you certain?
PATIENT: Hang on. I need to check InfoDog.
DOCTOR: You checked that two minutes ago.
PATIENT: And your point is?
DOCTOR: Do you have difficulty maintaining relationships?
PATIENT: My husband and I are doing just fine.
DOCTOR: That’s wonderful.
PATIENT: As long as he doesn’t touch my grooming scissors, question my entry fees, or use my show towels to dry his truck.
DOCTOR: Do you ever feel that you’re being judged?
PATIENT: EVERY WEEKEND, DOCTOR! THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT I PAY FOR!
DOCTOR: Do you have anger issues?
PATIENT: Absolutely not!
DOCTOR: What happens when you lose?
PATIENT: Nothing. I congratulate the winner, smile politely, and go back to my grooming setup.
DOCTOR: Very mature.
PATIENT: Then I sit in my vehicle and eat an entire bag of Doritos while questioning the judge’s eyesight.
DOCTOR: Do you ever talk to yourself?
PATIENT: Of course. Somebody has to explain to me why I entered under that judge again.
DOCTOR: Do you have any irrational fears?
PATIENT: Yes. Hotel pet fees, outdoor rings in November, and hearing the words “Reserve Winners” for the fifth day in a row.
DOCTOR: Do you ever feel financially overwhelmed?
PATIENT: Only when I check my bank account.
DOCTOR: How often do you check it?
PATIENT: I quit. It was affecting my mental health.
DOCTOR: Do you have a support system?
PATIENT: Yes. Several other exhibitors.
DOCTOR: Excellent! Do they encourage responsible decisions?
PATIENT: Well, last Thursday I told them I wasn’t entering any more shows this month.
DOCTOR: And what did they say?
PATIENT: They found me a four-day cluster in North Carolina.
DOCTOR: Ma’am, that’s not a support group. That’s a criminal organization.
DOCTOR: I think we need to discuss your addiction.
PATIENT: Addiction? Doctor, I can quit anytime I want!
DOCTOR: Then why don’t you?
PATIENT: Because there’s a major in Pennsylvania next weekend, and I only need two points!
DOCTOR: I’m going to recommend that you take a month off from dog shows.
PATIENT: A MONTH?!
DOCTOR: Yes. Spend time with your family. Relax. Take a vacation.
PATIENT: Oh, that’s a wonderful idea! There’s a five-day cluster in Florida!
DOCTOR: WITHOUT THE DOGS!
PATIENT: Sir, are you sure you’re licensed?
At this point, the doctor removes his glasses, rubs his forehead, and begins writing.
PATIENT: What’s my diagnosis?
DOCTOR: Severe financial delusion, compulsive travel behavior, chronic sleep deprivation, and an unhealthy emotional attachment to ribbons.
PATIENT: Is it treatable?
DOCTOR: Possibly, with intensive therapy and strict avoidance of dog shows.
PATIENT: Can I get a second opinion?
DOCTOR: Certainly.
PATIENT: Good. Because my friend Brenda says I’m perfectly normal, and she’s been showing dogs for thirty years.
DOCTOR: Where is Brenda now?
PATIENT: Sleeping in her van outside a fairground in Ohio.
DOCTOR: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
PATIENT: Fine! But before I go, what do I owe you?
DOCTOR: $250.
PATIENT: TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS?!
DOCTOR: Yes, ma’am.
PATIENT: FOR WHAT?! I COULD ENTER SEVEN DOG SHOWS FOR THAT!
FINAL DIAGNOSIS:
Patient exhibits severe symptoms of CHRONIC DOG SHOW SYNDROME.
Condition is highly contagious among breeders, handlers, and unsuspecting spouses.
There is no known cure.
Treatment is expensive.
And unfortunately, the patient has already entered next weekend.
Doctor’s final note:
“Patient left without scheduling a follow-up appointment. Was last seen in the parking lot on the phone asking whether the major was holding.”
LORD HELP US ALL! 😂🐾
© Letha Anne | EverCrest Kennels
