10/16/2026
“It’s Facebook, what did you expect?”
Basic human decency. BUT, Apparently, that’s a controversial expectation.
That was the response to a discussion about insulting comments on a video of me riding. Somehow, choosing to share my work means I’m supposed to quietly accept whatever someone feels like saying about my body, my riding, or me personally. If I address it, suddenly I’m the problem for expecting better.
Let’s talk about the difference between asking a question and assuming you already know the answer.
“Why are you riding two-handed in a western saddle?” is a question we can have a useful conversation about. “You’re riding western. You’re supposed to ride one-handed” is a correction delivered without understanding what I’m teaching or where that horse is in its education.
We use two hands to help develop a horse that can eventually be ridden with one. Posting serves a purpose in a western saddle, too. Something being unfamiliar to you doesn’t automatically make it wrong.
After 30 years of training horses, I still ask other trainers why they chose to do something. I’m careful about how I ask because I want to understand their reasoning. I might find something I want to use, or I might come away understanding why I would choose a different approach. Either way, I have something to learn.
You can question what my hands are doing. You can ask about my seat. You can disagree with my explanation. None of that requires calling me fat, commenting on my bra, telling me I need lessons, or announcing that I shouldn’t ride.
And even if your criticism is technically correct, you’re still responsible for how you deliver it. Knowledge doesn’t excuse cruelty any more than Facebook does.
This attitude is part of why people are afraid to share their riding at all. They preface videos with “please, no hate” because they’ve watched what happens to other people who let themselves be seen learning. Think about how much useful discussion we lose when people decide staying quiet is safer.
Knowing that people behave badly online doesn’t obligate the rest of us to accept it without a word. “What did you expect?” asks the person receiving the insults to lower their standards while asking absolutely nothing of the person delivering them.
I expect people to be good humans. I expect the golden rule to apply even when there’s a screen between us. And I expect adults to understand that having a thought doesn’t mean every comment box needs to receive it.
Imagine how much more we could learn if our first response to something unfamiliar was, “I wonder why?” instead of, “Let me tell you why you’re wrong.”
