09/27/2017
The past couple of days have been hard. I have to admit it. I feel alone in this. I know I'm not alone; but it's just a feeling. I try to understand why this rescue went the way it did and why this dog got so sick; but I have no answers. Lots of people (more than you would believe) are annoyed with my posts. They think I do this to get attention. There's nothing about this struggle, trying to get this dog to live, that is fun or convenient. I can think of a million other ways to get attention, if that's what I wanted. I wouldn't do this. Why? Because this hurts, this is painful, this makes me cry almost every day. This makes me wake up every two hours to make sure he is still breathing. I post animals because I try to use Facebook for good. To send messages of hope to everyone through the successes we all make happen. So, for a minute or two, people can forget about how crappy the world can be and be happy that something nice happened. I try to get animals adopted and healed from the abuse or neglect that they have suffered. If there was another way to do it without using social media and exposing myself to the public; I would. But, there isn't any other way. King has been losing weight and I have been worried sick for past four days, wondering why. I have gone back and forth to the vet, talked to many people, and read every piece of literature on kidney failure. I'm tired. I'm stressed and , yet, I keep hearing don't give up in my heart. I would be lying if I said it was so easy to do this. Well, today I went to Petsmart, to try to get an answer. I thought maybe I'd hear something that would help me feel better. I met an old lady, who is an atheist, and she said she didn't believe in God because of all the awful things that happen in the world. Yet, she had a cart full of cat food for all the strays in her neighborhood. We exchanged numbers and she spent so much time with King and said he was going to be just fine. Then, I met another lady who asked if she could "lay hands"on him and pray for him. I let her. Then, I met another lady who overheard us talking and gave me $50 and told me "don't give up". Then, the Manager Matt, gave me all sorts of foods to try to get him to eat and he hugged him and said "this is free. It's my contribution to help him" I started tearing up because I felt hungry for someone to show that they care too and this is not just a stupid thing I am doing. Then, checking out, a man who looked like Morgan Freeman, started looking at King. I thought maybe he was going to ask to adopt him and I was sad that I was going to have to tell him he wasn't ready yet..but he followed me and my boys out of the store and cupped King's head in his hands. My kids were in awe of him because he exuded this peaceful calm. His voice was the thing that struck me, like he could be some wonderful baritone in an opera. He looked at me and said, "you have fear in you. That is why he does not take the food you give him by your hands" Then, he asked me why I pulled him from the shelter. I explained that he was dying and I wanted him to live. He asked me, "why do you think he made it this far?" I said, "well he is special and he has responded to everyone that has given him love and attention; so he made up his mind that he wanted to stick around." Just then, I remembered what I told King when he was septic and dying that first night. The vet said he had less than a 20% chance of making it. I said, through tears, "but she doesn't know what love can do; does she?" He licked me in agreement. I repeated this to the gentleman. He said, "then why are you feeding him fear?" I didn't have an answer, I just stared at him. He then looked at my two boys and said, "He will take anything either of you feed him because you are not afraid". His name was Butch and he saw me cry and gave me the best hug ever. He told me, "I have a daughter named Princess. She is a deployed Marine; she is coming home soon. I know what it is to be afraid; but fear and faith don't go well together. So, I decided to stop being afraid and I fully anticipate her coming home for Thanksgiving. He kissed the top of my head and said, "Dear child, I talk to you as if I was talking to my daughter, do not be afraid, just love and give this dog everything he wants. Let him be a dog, don't be afraid to love him because you're afraid to lose him. He won't make it if you don't risk that hurt. He then gave me some wonderful recipes for this dog and told me to get goat's milk. A little at a time and feed him a handful of something every 2 hours and you'll see what happens. After all, He's King and my daughter is Princess and My grandson is Prince, so this is some royal advice" My kids said to me when he walked away, "Mommy, can God talk through regular people? Because I think God just talked to us. Why can't there be more people like that in the world? I really had no answer,I was just quiet. I came home and Eddie fed him four dog cookies, chicken, and his food. He ate everything I didn't even ask him to do that. This post doesn't need explaining. I just wanted to write it so you can see what happened today
