08/25/2026
AITBK for singing the song of my people at 3 AM because my large staff refuses to share their delicious plastic harvest?
I (19M) live with a massive, highly inefficient staff. There is the Tall Food Giver (40? M), the “Mom” (40? F), and four tiny, chaotic loud humans: the Gamer Kid (11M), the Cat Loving Girl (8F), the Feral Girl (5F), and the Crawling Menace (2M).
For the record, I tolerate most of them, but FG is my favorite human. She has zero chill, is incredibly spicy, sprints through the hallways like a tiny hurricane, and is completely obsessed with me. While she usually screams at everyone else, she reserves a very special, aggressive affection for me. She stalks me like a tiny paparazzi and forcefully applies chin scratches. We understand each other.
The primary conflict is the rest of this family brings home the most exquisite plastic films, only to hide them from me. Yesterday, GK left a beautiful, crinkly wrapper from a Pokémon pack on the table. It had the perfect crunch. I approached to begin my sacred chewing ritual. Suddenly, CLG screamed, TF lunged across the room, and the wrapper was stolen from my jaws.
Later, my beloved FG dropped candy wrapped in pristine plastic. Because she is obsessed with me and wants me to have everything I desire, she tried to hand-deliver the plastic directly to my mouth. But before we could finalize the transaction, “Mom” snatched it away, mumbling nonsense about "intestinal blockages." Even CM gets to play with loud, crunchy plastic diapers, but if I touch one, I am banished from the room.
To protest this systemic oppression, I stood outside the primary bedroom door at 3AM today and screamed at the top of my lungs for 45 minutes. TF stumbled out, looked like he wanted to cry, and put me in the laundry room. My FG woke up, threw a massive, matching 3 AM tantrum in solidarity, and tried to bust me out of the laundry room before she was escorted back to bed.
They claim they are saving my life. I claim they are hoarding the good stuff.
So, AITBK for screaming at my exhausted staff?
Drop a 👑for NTBK or 😼 for YTBK
