05/11/2026
I love people that make fun of their dogs! This is great and explains the plethora of German shepherds I've had in my life.
In honor of National German Shepherd Day today, I’d like to take a moment to tell you a bit about each of my own GSDs.
I’ll go from left to right to make things easier.
First, we have Squirrel. She was the last addition to our family, the only female, and by far the smallest. But let me assure you - that means absolutely nothing. The bitch is CRAZY.
She can be incredibly sweet when she wants to be, but most of the time she acts like the Energizer Bunny went on a three day coke binge & developed severe anxiety afterwards. Constant movement & constant chaos. She doesn’t have an off switch.
She is also a shining example of why we NEVER accept parking lot puppies being handed out from the back of a car.
Next, we have Chomper. My very first German Shepherd & the dog that made me completely fall in love with the breed. He is intelligent, obedient, loyal, gentle, and genuinely one of the best dogs you could ever ask for.
Unfortunately, he also gave me an extremely false sense of confidence & tricked me into believing all German Shepherds would be like him.
That misunderstanding eventually led me to acquire two more.
A mistake I will never financially or emotionally recover from.
And finally… Moose.
The middle child. The attention w***e. The self proclaimed king of this household.
He is absolutely stunning & very aware of it. Unfortunately, beauty is where the list of strengths starts & ends...
This dog has:
•no survival instincts
•no emotional regulation
•no situational awareness
•and roughly the same problem solving abilities as a rotisserie chicken
He’s petrified of frogs.
He loses fights with inanimate objects.
And if a murderer broke into our house, there’s a solid chance Moose would point him in our direction in exchange for a singular chicken nugget.
But despite all of that… I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world.
(Except maybe Moose for the right amount of money. This economy is tough.)