04/23/2026
Dr. Sophie is in the house. She trained at Harvard Paws School specializing in how to get over imperfect parents. She is on the couch all week.
Key issues discussed, but not limited to
Abandonment the ultimate betrayal…
1. Parent left the house, For no reason, Without You.
Unforgivable. Coming back smelling of other doggies - the worst form of unforgivable.
2. You were given a bath
You worked hard to smell like mystery garbage and vibes. They ruined everything. How to be mysterious, but still smell like fresh oatmeal.
3. They won’t let you eat random street snacks
That dead leaf? Gourmet.
That mystery object? Michelin star.
Parent? Buzzkill.
4. The human pet you … incorrectly
Wrong angle. Wrong timing. Too slow. Too fast. Honestly, just embarrassing for you both.
Dr. Sophie will give you the skills to get proper pets from your humans
5. They said “no” to literally anything
Jumping on the table? No.
Eating a sock? No.
Living your best life? Also no.
Bonus - Is your human a lost cause ?
