Wiggle Bottoms of Hartford, SD

08/30/2026

🐾 WALTER’S OFFICIAL GUEST REPORT

Wiggle Bottoms of Hartford — Office of Guest Relations

CASE #: WB-CHARLIE-0826
GUEST: Charlie, 9 months, King Charles Cavalier
CLASSIFICATION: Returning Guest / Cousin / Juvenile
INVESTIGATING OFFICER: Walter, Director of Guest Relations
STATUS: CLOSED — RETURN PRIVILEGES APPROVED ✓

INITIAL INVESTIGATION

Guest investigated upon arrival.

Identity confirmed: Cousin Charlie. ✓
Previous clearance reinstated.

Charlie also disclosed he will soon be receiving a baby sister, Bella.

I have concerns. Mostly for Bella.

🍔 DINING

Required McDonald’s cheeseburgers.

Microwaved.

Apparently we’re the Four Seasons now.

💤 GENERAL CONDUCT

Extremely energetic. Extremely loving. Extremely Velcro.

With several humans present, Charlie couldn’t determine who needed him most.

Solution: EVERYONE. AT ALL TIMES.

Chaos ensued. Mandatory naps were implemented.

🚶 LEASH OPERATIONS

Two walks daily.

On-leash competency remains under investigation.

Charlie became entangled in more patio chairs than we actually own.

How this is mathematically possible is being reviewed.

Two walks successfully depleted approximately 11% of available energy.

🔴 RED LASER LIGHT INVESTIGATION

Charlie chased it wildly.

I observed.

Idiot.

Then I jumped on it too.

Different. I had a strategy.

📋 FINAL ASSESSMENT

❤️ Affection: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
⚡ Energy: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
🧲 Velcro Level: Industrial Strength
🍔 Meal Demands: Absurd
🪑 Leash Skills: Patio Furniture Casualty Event
💤 Self-Regulation: Mandatory Naps
🐈 Cat Compatibility: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
🌪️ Chaos: Exceptional

FINAL VERDICT: APPROVED ✓

He eats microwaved McDonald’s cheeseburgers.
He cannot safely navigate patio furniture.
He has no understanding of laser technology.

He is also getting a baby sister.

Bella, if you can read this: Godspeed.

But he is family. And I like him.

— Walter
Director of Guest Relations

08/25/2026

Walter is getting on my damn nerves. 🤣

He’s spent the the last 30 minutes laying behind my head, wrapping his giant fluffy tail around me, and periodically smacking me directly in the face with it. 😂

Wiggle Bottoms has been a little quiet, and apparently our Director of Guest Relations needs a guest to investigate.

Sooo… anyone need a dog sitter??

🐾 WALTER NEEDS A JOB SPECIAL 🐾
Book now for any September stay of 3+ nights and get 10% off!

Just mention WALTERNEEDSAJOB when you book. 🤣

Walter gets someone new to investigate.
Your pup gets a cozy little vacation.
And I get his tail out of my face.

Everybody wins. 😂🐾 🐶💕

08/19/2026

Walter Report, Released

08/19/2026

Wiggle Bottoms Guest Relations Report
Case File 26-0808
Guest: Dash
Breed: Shih Tzu (Lap-Optimized)
Reporting Officer: Walter, Director of Guest Relations

Dash has now attended daycare twice, providing me adequate time to assess the situation.

My findings:

Dash would like to be everyone’s best friend. Everyone.

Management. The children. Nugget. Me.

Probably you.

He spends much of his day melted into the nearest available lap, gazing up at whoever owns it with enormous googly eyes as though they are the most wonderful person he has ever encountered.

I initially believed this expression was reserved for me. It is not.

Disappointing.

His interest in feline staff is particularly persistent. When I enter the room, Dash immediately perks up.

Head up.
Tongue out.
Eyes bright.

Perhaps Walter will speak to me today.

I walk by.

Dash watches.

Then slowly lowers his head back onto Management’s lap.

Maybe next time, Dash.

Maybe next time.

I will, however, give credit where it is due: the dog can walk.

Most canine guests treat a neighborhood walk like an investigative assignment. Every hydrant requires analysis. Every mailbox contains breaking news. Entire sections of grass must be reviewed.

Not Dash.

Dash has places to be.

He keeps pace and moves with purpose. Frankly, it’s refreshing.

There has also been considerable progress since his first visit. Day One Dash was nervous and kept a close watch for the return of his people.

Day Two Dash arrived like:

Oh. I know these people.

And promptly resumed his ongoing work of loving absolutely everybody.

Quiet. Happy. Ridiculously cute. Excellent pedestrian. No understanding whatsoever of professional boundaries.

Guest status: Cleared for continued daycare.
Friendship applications: Submitted to all parties.
Feline approval: Pending.

— Walter
Director of Guest Relations
Wiggle Bottoms of Hartford 🐾

08/13/2026

08/13/2026

📋 WALTER’S GUEST RELATIONS REPORT: MOLLY

I regret to report that my investigation into Molly, an 11-year-old Large Munsterlander, produced very little actionable intelligence.

Molly arrived exceptionally well-prepared. Her humans, Pam and Frank, appear to have briefed her extensively on proper guest conduct. She was sweet, joyful, respectful of the accommodations and — most concerning — already has a feline best friend at home.

This explains why she approached me as though we might exchange friendship bracelets.

I remained professional.

There were minor infractions. Molly stole Management’s spot on the couch and participated nightly in an elaborate peanut-butter-spoon medication ceremony that seemed unnecessarily luxurious.

Nugget initially deployed FULL FLUFF upon Molly’s arrival, but quickly stood down.

Then, days after checkout, Management folded the living-room blankets and discovered a treat hidden inside.

Management thought Molly had eaten it.

She had not.

Apparently, Molly established a strategic snack reserve for her next stay.

Presumptuous? Yes.

Excellent planning? Also yes.

After a thorough investigation, I have reluctantly concluded that Molly is exactly as delightful as everyone claims.

Guest status: Cleared for return. Treat cache remains under review.

— Walter
Director of Guest Relations
Wiggle Bottoms of Hartford 🐾
:::

08/09/2026

OFF-SITE INTELLIGENCE REPORT

Management attended an event today where dogs voluntarily hurled themselves into water for applause.

Apparently, some were quite good at it.

I have reviewed the footage.

I remain unclear on the objective.

There were treats involved, which explains some—but not all—of the behavior.

Dogs remain deeply confusing.

— Walter
Director of Guest Relations
Wiggle Bottoms of Hartford

This standard poodle is beautiful, captured w his handler, owner of Wags & Whiskers grooming, https://www.facebook.com/share/1Jp9LawAeD/?mibextid=wwXIfr

08/07/2026

WIGGLE BOTTOMS GUEST RELATIONS REPORT
Guest: Walter
Prepared by: Walter, Director of Guest Relations

I was informed our next guest was also named Walter. I objected. Management said, “It’ll be fine.” This is typical. She prefers optimism over operational planning. It was not fine.

Every time she said “Walter,” we both reported for duty. “Walter, come here” produced two Walters. “Walter, stop that” produced two Walters looking at each other while Management attempted to identify the responsible party.

By Day Two, she started calling the dog Walt.

Apparently she finally read my memo.

Walt arrived understandably concerned about the resident staff—specifically my intern, Nugget. I assured him I am a professional. I could make no such assurances about Nugget.

Nugget was recently promoted to Intern despite having no relevant experience, routinely sleeping in the clean-towel bin and an ongoing investigation into every air vent in the house. He has also, on one documented occasion, trapped himself behind the fireplace.

Management sees potential. Management also said having two Walters would be fine.

Walt brought a kennel, blanket, bowls, treats, leash, harness and enough toys to open a small sporting-goods store. Balls were provided in multiple sizes, colors and functions. Some light up.

I have reviewed the evidence. There remains no operational need for a glowing rubber football.

Unfortunately, Walt took inventory control very seriously. Keeping track of his entire collection was becoming a full-time position, so Management removed the merchandise and relocated ball operations to the dog park.

This worked remarkably well.

Walt is also highly verbal. Small barks, little noises, very specific requests. We rarely knew what he was saying, but he appeared increasingly concerned that I don’t speak Dog. Management was somehow able to translate.

By Day Three, Walt was no longer monitoring every toy, Management or member of staff. He slept. He snored. He even gave Management kisses.

Apparently the kisses are a big deal.

I don’t handle sentiment. I handle documentation.

FINAL ASSESSMENT

Name: Excellent, obviously.
Luggage: Excessive.
Communication: Persistent.
Ball skills: Advanced.
Glowing football: Unnecessary.
Nugget: Still under review.
Snoring: Confirmed.
Kisses: Earned.

APPROVED FOR RETURN.

Respectfully submitted,
Walter
Director of Guest Relations
Wiggle Bottoms of Hartford

P.S. Lori may bring the glowing football again. I simply want it documented that this is against my recommendation.

08/01/2026

Aww, Rixley was the biggest personality I’ve ever met!! He is an absolute doll who left us w paw prints on our hearts.