09/27/2026
‼️ 5 YEARS OLD. ZERO RETIREMENT. HUMANS, PULL UP A CHAIR… WE NEED TO HAVE A CHAT! ‼️
“OMGoodness!! I must be getting senile! How could I forget that YESTERDAY was National Rabbit Day?!” — Joey 🐰
In my defense, Management forgot too. And unlike me, they can’t blame it on being the old man around here. For goodness’ sake, I’m only 5!!
Speaking of Management…after years of dedicated service, I still have no retirement plan, paid vacation, 401(k), or anything besides pellets in my paycheck.
I’ve raised kids, watched them grow up and move out, and seen plenty of young bucks come through here thinking they run the place.
They don’t.
Neptune, from next door: “You sure talk a lot for someone who naps half the day.”
Joey: “It’s called retirement practice, son. Mind your business.”
Anyway…
Spend enough years around humans and rabbits, and you learn a thing or two. So I might as well put my seniority to good use.
There are a few things us rabbits have been trying to tell you. Some you may know. Some you humans have gotten completely wrong.
So pay attention.
Actually…bring snacks. This may take a minute.
🐰 1. If I nip OR scratch at you, TAKE THE HINT.
“Put me down.” “Move.” “I’ve had enough.” “Leave me alone.”
We have boundaries too. You humans just aren’t particularly gifted at reading them.
Neptune: “Maybe try asking nicely.”
Joey: “I DID. Then I scratched.”
🐰 2. I cannot throw up. But YES, I can make a tiny butt trumpet. 💨
We rabbits cannot vomit. But despite the rumors, we absolutely CAN pass gas.
And NO, I will not be identifying which employee is responsible for the occasional atmospheric disturbance on this side of the barn.
Neptune: “It was Joey.”
Joey: “You have absolutely no proof.”
🐰 3. I can see you. Yes…even over there. 👀
We can see nearly all the way around ourselves, thanks to where our eyes are positioned.
But put a treat directly in front of my nose? I may miss it. We have a small blind spot there.
So don’t question my intelligence.
Slide the treat over.
🐰 4. If I rub my chin on something, I just called dibs.
We have scent glands under our chins, so chinning something is basically marking it.
Food bowl? Mine.
Toy? Mine.
That thing you just cleaned? Mine again.
You? Also mine.
Management? Ehhh. Neptune can have them.
🐰 5. THUMP!
A thump doesn’t always mean “I’m scared.”
It can mean danger, fear, irritation, stress—or sometimes:
“HELLO?! LOOK AT ME!”
Some of us have discovered one good THUMP gets Management moving surprisingly fast.
We train humans too.
🐰 6. If I stop eating, PAY ATTENTION.
Old-man hat off for this one.
A rabbit suddenly refusing food needs to be taken seriously. Changes in eating, drinking, pooping, or normal behavior can signal that something isn’t right.
Know YOUR rabbit’s normal. We’re very good at hiding when we don’t feel well.
Old-man hat back on.
Where are my snacks?
🐰 7. Yes, I know my name.
We can learn names, routines, sounds, cues, and schedules.
I know when Management feeds me.
I REALLY know when Management is late.
Whether I choose to acknowledge you when you call me is another matter entirely.
🐰 8. For the LAST TIME: I am NOT a rodent.
I’m a lagomorph.
Rabbits, hares, and pikas belong to Lagomorpha. And behind those big upper front teeth? We have a second, tiny pair of incisors called peg teeth.
Rodents don’t.
Put some respect on the lagomorph name.
🐰 9. Bugs Bunny has some explaining to do. 🥕
Carrots are treats—not the main part of our diet.
Bugs Bunny spent decades convincing humans we should walk around with carrots hanging out of our mouths, and the rest of us have been cleaning up his mess ever since.
That said, Management may increase MY carrot allowance immediately.
🐰 10. About that retirement package…
At 5 years old, after years of breeding, raising kids, and supervising humans, I believe I’ve earned:
Paid retirement.
Unlimited snacks.
A comfortable pension.
And possibly my own office.
Neptune: “You live in a cage.”
Joey: “It’s called an executive suite.”
Management has yet to respond.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
🐰 JOEY’S TRUE OR FALSE CHALLENGE
No Googling. I have nearly 360° vision. I’ll know. 👀
1. Rabbits eat a special type of dropping called cecotropes to absorb additional nutrients.
2. A baby rabbit is technically called a “bunny.”
3. Rabbits can sleep with their eyes open.
4. Rabbits can be litter-box trained.
5. Rabbits can recognize individual people.
Drop your T or F answers below!
I’ll have Management post the answers later.
Assuming they remember.
They DID forget National Rabbit Day. 🙄
Happy BELATED National Rabbit Day from one very experienced, slightly undercompensated, definitely NOT senile old man.
— Joey 🐰
Senior LGR Barn Employee
5 years of service
Zero retirement benefits
Neptune: “You forgot free housing.”
Joey: “Go to bed, Neptune.”
🍀 Lucky Girl Rabbitry
PS- Lucky the rabbit wholeheartedly agrees!!
⤵️ Pictured below
