08/17/2026
Wonderful description!
IT’S MORE THAN FEEDING HIM CHICKEN
Stout’s relationship with my husband, Bob, has always been complicated.
The first time Stout met him, he peed.
And yet, as a puppy, he climbed all over Bob. He lay in his lap. He stared into his eyes. There was affection, play and physical closeness between them.
Then, as Stout matured and became more guarded and fearful, their relationship changed too.
He became more cautious of Bob. He watched him more carefully. Things that had once seemed easy between them weren’t so easy anymore.
Years later, Stout is still more cautious with Bob than he is with me.
And Bob still struggles with that sometimes.
We’ve done the things people commonly suggest with a dog who’s wary of someone. Bob has given him treats. He’s fed him chicken from his hand. And those things can certainly help create positive associations.
But we’ve learned that building trust is more complicated than being the guy with the chicken.
Bob isn’t as good at reading Stout’s subtle body language as I am. His instinct is often to connect through play—and Stout does love to play with him.
But even their play can be complicated.
Stout doesn’t play like a Lab who barrels into a game assuming everyone knows the rules. Sometimes he still plays like a timid puppy. He wants to engage, but he’s tentative. He may approach, retreat, watch Bob, and then come back for more.
Bob may see, “He wants to play!”
Stout may actually be saying, “I want to play with you. I just need you to play in a way that still feels safe to me.”
And sometimes play isn’t what Stout needs at all.
Sometimes what he needs most from Bob is predictability.
One thing that has helped is that Bob now narrates what he’s doing. He tells Stout when he’s getting up, walking past him, reaching for something or moving near him.
But we’ve learned that narration alone isn’t predictability.
If Bob tells Stout what he’s doing while Stout’s body is saying that what Bob is doing doesn’t feel safe, the words don’t override Stout’s experience.
The words only become useful when they reliably match what happens next.
Over and over.
Predictability isn’t telling a fearful dog there’s nothing to worry about. It’s becoming someone whose behavior the dog can reliably predict.
Chicken can help change an association. But chicken can’t do that work for us.
And we’re still working on it.
Bob still misses signals. Sometimes he wants to be Fun Dad when Stout really needs Boring Predictable Dad. Sometimes Stout still watches him carefully.
But Stout has also started choosing more closeness with Bob again. He settles near him. He has even begun lying between Bob’s legs—putting himself in a position that requires a lot of trust for this particular dog.
That doesn’t mean the fear is gone.
It means their relationship continues to grow.
Maybe trust with a fearful dog isn’t always:
“I’m not afraid of you anymore.”
Sometimes it starts with:
“I’m learning that I can predict you.”
And eventually, perhaps:
“Even when I’m not completely sure what you’re going to do, I’ve learned that I’m probably going to be okay.”
For Stout and Bob, they’re still somewhere in that journey.
And I think that’s worth celebrating too.
