05/12/2023
A few nights ago, I had a dream. A dream is rare for me these days and oddly enough I like it that way. When I dream, I usually wake up sad and alone feeling.
In my dream, I was in a boat, in the ocean but close to shore. Maverick and two girls that I love very much were in the boat with me. There was a man driving the boat but I couldn’t see his face, he was behind me and I never looked back to see who it was.
We were headed to shore and all of a sudden, huge waves started to roll in. I remember feeling panicked because none of us had life jackets on. I scrambled to find life jackets and there were three in the boat. I never thought twice about who would get them. I gave them to the three kids and remember feeling so helpless because I couldn’t protect them from the danger of the waves. It’s a feeling that haunts me every second of every day. It was the same feeling that I felt when I was helpless and couldn’t protect or save Legend.
I remember as the last wave was coming over our boat, I released all fear and worries about saving the kids. I turned them over to God. I wasn’t for one second worried about saving me or me dying. The wave covered our boat and as I breathed what I thought was my last breath, I woke up.
I pondered the dream for several hours. Wondering what it meant, or if it had any meaning at all. Then it hit me. God was telling me that I can’t navigate the waters alone and especially during a storm. I had no life jacket on in my dream but his reminder to me was that he is my life jacket. He keeps me afloat when I’m flooded and pounded with waves. I can relax and float when I have his vest of life on. In HIM I can find peace, comfort and rest.
I’m not sure the feelings of helplessness or the memories that haunt me will ever go away, and maybe I don’t want them to. But I know that there is a God who is willing to carry our burdens and float us to safety when we surrender it all at his feet.
So today, it’s not easy but I’m going to search for that rainbow. ~RW
