04/01/2026
✨ OFFICIAL PROGRAM UPDATE ✨
In our continued pursuit of true All-Around excellence, we are proud to announce the following enhancements to our program, effective immediately:
— Horses will now be required to seamlessly transition from Hunter Under Saddle trot to extended lope within one stride. Precision is assumed. No reins are allowed
— Western riders will maintain a lope while executing flawless, invisible lead changes every 3 strides. Judges will feel it, not see it.
— English riders must now post the trot… without moving above the saddle. Subtlety is key.
— A new class, Ultimate Equitation, will combine horsemanship, rail work, and pattern execution… judged entirely on vibes, ring presence, and mutual respect with your horse.
— A new scoring element has been added for showmanship: Lead Shank Elegance. Excessive flapping, tangling, or accidental lasso techniques will be noted. Also intense eye contact is encouraged and lack of blinking means bonus points
— Show mornings will now begin at exactly 4:27 AM to allow proper time for bathing, banding, polishing, re-bathing, and quiet reflection.
— Lesson horses will now be fully voice-activated and opinionated. If they disagree with your cues, they will simply switch to autopilot and demonstrate the correct pattern themselves. Please take notes.
— Additionally, lesson horses will now provide live feedback during rides, including but not limited to: heavy sighs, strategic stopping, and selective hearing.
— Our barn dogs have officially been promoted to Executive Management and will be overseeing scheduling, ride times, and treat quality control.
— Additionally they will:
• Conduct daily arena inspections (must pass zoomies test)
• Es**rt all riders to and from the mounting block (whether requested or not)
• Supervise lessons from the middle of the arena for optimal visibility
• Enforce treat taxes with zero exceptions
• Provide emotional support… or mild judgment… depending on your ride
• Randomly join lessons at the lope to keep things interesting
We are confident these refinements will continue to elevate our riders across every arena.
Thank you for your commitment to excellence.
…Happy April Fools. 😉✨
