04/26/2026
There are fun facts… and then there are “you just lived it” facts.
Did you know the average human can sprint around 12 to 15 mph? The fastest human ever recorded, Usain Bolt, hit 27.79 mph. An English Setter? A casual 35 mph.
Now that we’ve established that humans are, in fact, not winning that race… let me tell you about Susan.
Susan arrived today and within seconds of stepping out of the vehicle, she made a bold life decision. Freedom. Speed. Chaos. She launched.
Not across the road. That would be too easy.
Across the field.
Then straight into the horizon like a majestic black and white blur with zero regard for human emotions.
Scene: one human holding Yogi, a ridiculously sweet 5 month old lab puppy who would soon become an unwilling participant in a relay race. Another human had Susan. I was helping sweet Vera out, minding my business, when suddenly the air was pierced with a scream:
“SUSAN!!! NOOOOOO!”
And just like that, the Olympics began.
The child took off after Susan, Yogi in tow. This was optimistic. Admirable, even. But Susan was already operating on a different plane of existence. Yogi was then passed like a baton from child to mother to me. I grabbed him and ran him inside while Vera, now deeply concerned about the sudden collapse of society, began stress-lapping in circles.
Yogi secured. Vera secured. Humans? Not secured.
Owners jumped in their vehicle and tore down the road after spotting Susan heading toward the highway. I grabbed a leash and ran for the garage, but Eric was already in motion. He hopped on the 4 wheeler with the kind of enthusiasm that says, “This is the moment I was born for.”
I made a quick plan, told Emerson to stay put in case of a return, and headed out to cut her off at the next road.
And then… I witnessed it.
Susan. Full speed. A literal blur. Legs barely touching the ground as she floated through last year’s corn remains like a graceful, slightly unhinged gazelle. Behind her? Eric on the 4 wheeler, giving it everything he had. For the first time, we had eyes on her. Hope.
She was heading toward Buchanan Bridge Road.
Her people crested the hill just as I reached them, and we shared the universal look of “this is either going to end really well or we are all about to need a nap and possibly therapy.”
Then the phone rang.
He caught her.
This 35 mph legend. This field-flying, human-humbling speed machine… was apprehended because she stopped to sniff a tree.
Justice was served.
Tears were cried. Then dried. Susan was safe in record time. Apparently, this usually takes hours, which honestly checks out.
And was Susan tired?
Absolutely not.
The rest of us, however, are considering early retirement.
So here’s your friendly reminder: accidents happen. Collars slip. Leashes drop. And while not every dog is a Susan, some of them absolutely have main character energy when they decide to run.
We are big fans of tracking devices like Tractive and Life360 for pets. They are affordable, easy to use, and worth every penny for the peace of mind. Will it stop your dog from becoming a land missile? No. But it will help you find them again… preferably before they decide to sniff a tree miles away or something far worse happens.
