10/16/2026
🚨TYSON HAS REENTERED THE ADOPTION CHAT AND HE HAS A MESSAGE🚨
Ok, Tyson here. Remember me? I lived at the shelter for a year and if you visited me, I probably grabbed your ankles once or twice. 🙊😼
I know you’re probably wondering why I’m reaching out especially if you saw my sappy adoption video over a year ago… well I fluffed up. No other way to say it. 🤷🏼
Apparently I shouldn’t live with kids because I’m “unpredictable.” I’m actually VERY predictable…predictably unpredictable. Whatever.
I can’t live with male cats either because I thought he was trying to pull a Jake Paul and box me for clout. I AM STILL THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP💪🏼 (I actually am overweight according to the vet, different story..)
WHAT’S MY PROBLEM YOU ASK?! If you ask me, nothing. I literally have no idea why my actions have consequences.
I guess it’s “NOT OK” 🙄 to charm people with my loud purr and confident swagger and then decide I want to know what they taste like.
I LIKE TO BITE SOMETIMES?? IS THAT TOO KINKY FOR YOU?? 😈
I usually move on after my brain recalculates and realizes you’re not worth my energy. But sometimes I cling on. And bunny-kick. And prey on your every move.
Sue me. Ok well please don’t sue me. That’s the exact opposite point I’m trying to make here.
The point is I NEED SOMEWHERE TO GO. I SUCK SOMETIMES, I get it. BUT I’m also really sweet when I chill out. Someone told me I probably have some wires crossed. Well I’m not an electrician, I’m just a cat with some ✨issues✨
I was pretty much fine with the female cats in my home, I’m a ladies’ man what can I say… 😻 they gotta be able to put me in my place though. Unlike kids. Don’t put me with kids. I hate them.
Actually, just don’t put me with anyone who is a straight-up WIMP. 🥊 If you can’t handle the MIKE TYSON in me, don’t bother. You gotta be tough as nails to deal with me. You also probably shouldn’t care too much about yourself—if you’re sensitive and “worried about your safety,” I’m LITERALLY just a baby. (I’m like 4 years old but still)
So…did I win you over yet? 😂😝
Accepting applications now. See you soon, future ❌victim *family✅ 💋
Sincerely,
Tyson
💼President and CEO of Master Manipulation LLC
🥇Winner of the 2026 National Bunnykicking Bitey League
🍼Anti-Children Club
🏥Mental Health Advocate (I take Prozac hehe)
🚨Featured on the Department of Homeland Security’s Terrorist Watchlist
Applications can be found at www.branfordanimalshelter.org
