05/08/2026
This morning after working a 13 hour night shift, I came home to find my sweet Gaia very unwell.
The last year or so she’s had a lot of “sick spells,” but in my heart, I knew today was different.
I had to say, “goodbye” to her this morning. We got to the vet 30 minutes before they opened. And the vet and I carried her in on a stretcher because she was too weak to walk.
She was the sweetest soul I have ever met. The bestest girl anyone could ask for. My “mini rottie.”
My Earth Goddess. My chicken chore helper. My sweet little girl. My Gaia baby.
I’m mourning the loss of my 3rd baby in the last 11 months. On top of the slow healing process from a rollover car accident. On top of not being able to work for 6 months.
My dogs are my life because I know I wouldn’t have been here to see my own 30th birthday without them.
They loved me when my own family and friends could not. They loved me when I couldn’t even love myself. They loved me when I have healed from relationships. They have loved me on my best days and my worst days.
I do not regret retiring my kennel, because it gave me more quality time with them. I sacrificed more than anyone or myself can articulate because of my passion and determination to prove to myself I can do all of that on my own…. Raising puppies, working a full time job, keeping up with owning and tending to 10 adult dogs plus litters/puppies. I did make “limits” for myself and made sure to always put my dogs’ needs above my own. (Which I have also suffered the consequences from, but still do not have any regrets).
There’s a few people who can share their “unsatisfactory experience,” but in reality, they were all looking for someone to blame- whether it be their own negligence or just a fact of nature.
No one can “play” GOD!
Because I swear to God, IF I COULD, my babies would outlive me!!
Everyone should understand that when you bring in the love of a dog, we are also accepting the inevitable loss of them as well. We are accepting love but also heartbreak and heartache.
I wish that could be avoided but it unfortunately cannot.
To Gaia, Atlas, Zeus, and all the puppies I lost, and the adults I retired; I know you know that I loved you till no ends. My love for you babies will never cease to exist.
My heart has suffered so much pain and hurt.
I AM proud of what I have accomplished, even if it falls short of what I anticipated to achieve.
“Breeding isn’t for the faint of heart,” they say.
Well, loving a dog isn’t either….
And I have loved them all. 💔
There’s no words to articulate how much I am going to miss you, my sweet, sweet girl.
“I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always;
As long as I’m living, my baby you will be.”
