05/08/2026
Just to clarify something, because I know some people have been wondering what happened to my adult dogs after I decided to close my breeding program. They are all still with me, and they will stay with me for as long as they liveāor for as long as I do.
Itās true that Iāve almost stopped posting photos and videos of them, especially compared to the flood of posts I used to share when they were puppies. The reason goes back four years, when I lost three of my dogs on the railway tracks, including my beloved Lady.
I loved her so deeply that, at the time, I would have traded the lives of all my other dogs just to have her back. Some people may think that sounds cruel, but thatās exactly how I felt. She was my soulmate, and she was the one I lost.
Everything happened far too quickly. First, my brother died. Exactly one month after his death, my eight-year-old cat suddenly passed away without any warning or signs of illness. The bond I had with him was as deep as the one I had with Ladyāperhaps even deeper. Then, the very next day after my cat died, three of my dogs ran away and disappeared.
I searched for them desperately for two weeks, only to discover that they had been buried less than a kilometre from my home by the railway services, who never informed us about what had happened.
Today, I believe it was divine providence that it took so long to find out. If I had found them on the tracks that very day, I honestly donāt think I would have stepped off those tracks until another train had taken my life as well. Those two weeks gave me just enough time to calm down enough to survive the devastating truth.
It was like being caught in a whirlwind of death. In reality, I never truly grieved for my brother or for my animals, because the only way to stop my heart from shattering into a million pieces was to freeze it.
Not because I lacked feelings. Not because I became numb. But because the pain was simply too deep, too overwhelming to bear. Sometimes the only thing you can do is keep moving forward and survive.
It didnāt matter that afterwards I lived like a robot, like a machineāas long as I was still alive.
Now I am healing my heart. Little by little, I am thawing it out. That is why I am finding my way back to my dogsānot only with my body, but with my heart as well.