18/10/2026
ROSIE’S DAILY COMPLAINT 🚨
I have a complaint.
Actually, I have several, but we shall start with the most serious.
THE UNICORN SITUATION. 🦄
I am Rosie. ROSIE THE ROTTWEILER.
I am the Guardian. I am the Snack Checker. I am the Beautiful One. I am the One With The Amazing Voice.
I have responsibilities. Important responsibilities. I cannot be expected to maintain standards around here AND be subjected to this level of humiliation.
A unicorn.
A BLOODY UNICORN.
Mum. Look at me when I am speaking to you.
Do you know who I am?
I am a Rottweiler. I was born magnificent. I did not spend all this time being beautiful, powerful and effortlessly superior to end up looking like a pony from a children's birthday party.
And another thing. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS.
Nobody consulted me. Nobody asked for my opinion. Nobody offered compensation.
Frankly, the management in this household is appalling.
I already have enough jobs. I have to monitor everyone. I have to check the snacks. I have to make sure things are being done properly. I have to be beautiful. Do you know how much work that is?
And now I'm expected to wear a stupid horn on my head?
I AM MAGICAL WITHOUT THE OUTFIT.
I AM BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT THE OUTFIT.
I AM ROSIE WITHOUT THE OUTFIT.
MA. WE NEED TO TALK.
And while we're talking, I would like to discuss my compensation package, because I feel there should be snacks involved.
Good snacks. Not those disappointing little biscuits you've been trying to pass off as a reasonable reward.
I shall be taking this matter further.
Possibly to the highest authority.
Myself.
Rosie the Rottweiler
Luxury Dog. Snack Checker. Beautiful One. Victim of Vanilla. Currently considering legal action against her mother.