04/09/2026
September is Su***de Prevention Month.
Tbh, I donāt think it should be a month. I think it should be spoken about every single day. Iām a firm believer in that.
Iām not embarrassed to say that I have tried to end my life.
And I still think about how, for some random reason we will probably never understand, my dad decided to look through a window that he had never looked through before.
He saw Blake.
Anyone who has met Blake, my black Lab, will know how reactive and protective he is. He barks at everyone.
But this time, he didnāt.
He just lay there, looking at meā¦ then looking at my dadā¦ then back at meā¦ then back at my dad.
And somehow, my dad knew something was wrong.
At that point in my life, I didnāt want to continue living with the pain anymore. Mentally or physically.
I couldnāt see another way out.
Losing your health at a young age changes you in ways you never expect.
You start carrying anxieties that most people havenāt experienced yet.
Anxieties about doctors.
About flare-ups.
About physical and emotional limitations.
About how youāre going to get your basic needs met when you can no longer do things for yourself.
Imagine never going for a wee normally again.
Imagine being 28 years old and wearing a nappy 24/7.
People donāt see the chronic pain or chronic fatigue I live with because Iām very good at masking it.
I take morphine, tramadol, amitriptyline, pregabalin, Zapain, Zomorph (slow-release morphine) and the highest dose of sertraline.
That changes a person.
But we are a few years on now.
Iām married ā something I never thought Iād be able to say. To the most incredible man.
I have a fantastic family.
Iām building a career that I absolutely love.
From the outside looking in, I live this fantastic life.
And Iāve heard the words:
āWell, what have you got to be depressed about?ā
Please understand this:
That is not helpful to someone who is struggling mentally.
We donāt want to be depressed.
It isnāt a choice.
Donāt get me wrong, some days are harder than others. Iām still depressed. I still need antidepressants to help keep those thoughts from becoming my reality.
And thatās okay.
If youāre also going through the trenches, Iām not going to sit here and tell you that one day everything will magically be perfect and youāll never feel like this again.
Because that isnāt necessarily true.
But I can tell you that life can get better.
You will find people who make the bad days a little more bearable.
That might be a partner.
A family member.
A friend.
Someone you havenāt even met yet.
You will find moments of happiness again.
You will laugh again.
You will have good days.
And yes, you will still have sad days too.
And thatās okay.
Please donāt give up on yourself because of the chapter youāre currently in.
Keep going.
Keep fighting.
And please, be kind.
Because you genuinely never know what someone is carrying behind the biggest smile.
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