24/10/2026
🚨 PUBLIC WARNING TO ALL CAT OWNERS.
This weekend, the clocks go back an hour.
For humans, that means an extra hour in bed.
For Britain’s cats, it means 12 million furry little psychopaths are preparing to declare war on their households.
Because nobody has told the cats.
On Sunday at 5am, thousands of people will be standing in their kitchens, wearing dressing gowns, trying to explain Greenwich Mean Time to an animal that spent today licking its own bum.
There will be screaming. Furniture will be destroyed. Toes will be attacked.
At least one pensioner in Shields will be held hostage by a ginger cat called Peter.
So from me to you; good luck this weekend.
How does your cat inform you that breakfast is late?
We’d like to hear from the survivors. 😂