24/07/2026
I see so much conflicting advice when it comes to dogs with big feelings! So here's my take.
A toddler has a meltdown in the supermarket. Screaming, red-faced, on the floor by the cereal.
Most people watching feel compassion, empathy:
❤️ Poor wee thing. She's tired. It's too bright, too loud, too much. Her parent crouches down beside her, keeps their voice low and calm, gets her out to the car.
Some even offer a sympathetic smile to the parent. I've been the parent on the receiving end and it made such a difference in the moment!
Same street, ten minutes later. A dog lunges and barks at another dog across the road. And the response changes.
🐾 He's being naughty. She needs to get control of that dog.
Two nervous systems doing exactly the same thing.
A child who hides behind their parent's legs at a party is shy. A dog who backs off and growls is aggressive.
A toddler who lashes out when someone grabs their toy is having a hard time.
A dog who does the same is dangerous. (This one has the potential to be true, but it's not automatically true).
You see the pattern?
Same behaviour.
Completely different response from the people around them.
😰 Fear, frustration and overwhelm don't look any different inside a dog's body than they do inside a toddler's.
🔔 The alarm bells are the same. Same flood of chemicals.
Same loss of access to thinking and learning.
A dog barking at the end of a lead has lost the ability to cope, the same way the toddler on the supermarket floor has.
We don't correct a frightened child. We help them feel safe.
We give them space and teach them how to work things out.
It's time to understand that dogs deserve that too.
❓️"But am I not rewarding the fear?"
Short answer. No.
Reinforcement works on things a dog does.
Fear isn't a choice - it's a nervous system doing what it's designed for in the face of a perceived threat.
You can't make fear more likely by being kind to a frightened dog, any more than you can make a child more scared of thunder by holding them.
What calm, steady reassurance can do is help a dog feel safer.
A dog who feels safer has more of their brain available to learn something different and THAT is something you absolutely can reward and reinforce.
Given the choice, be your dog's safety raft. 🚣♀️
If walks have started to feel like something you brace for, let's have a conversation. Drop me a comment or message 👇
