27/08/2026
Does your dog really want to be touched right now?
Some dogs love being stroked and cuddled. Others enjoy being close to people but don’t actually want physical contact. And just like us, even a dog who enjoys being touched doesn’t necessarily want it all the time.
Giving our dogs a choice about whether they want contact, and learning to recognise the signs that they don’t, can help keep everyone safe and build a much stronger relationship based on trust.
There are two simple ways I like to check whether a dog is enjoying contact.
The first is to bend down, let your arms hang loosely and wiggle your fingers. If your dog wants some fuss, they can choose to come towards you and put the part of their body they want touched into your hands. You’ve given them the opportunity to say yes rather than assuming they want contact.
The second is the “3-second consent” test. Stroke your dog for a few seconds, then stop. If they move towards you, nudge your hand, or otherwise ask you to continue, you can carry on. If they move away, turn their head or just don’t re-engage, respect that choice. They’ve told you they’ve had enough.
It’s also important to learn the more subtle signs that a dog is uncomfortable.
Rapid nose licking, turning their head or body away, becoming still, or showing the whites of their eyes (often called a “whale eye”) can all be signs that a dog isn’t comfortable with what’s happening. If you see these signs, pause and give them some space.
Bea shows lip licking and some whale eye at the end of this video and so I stop touching her.
Bea is a great example of why this matters.
She loves wiggling close to people when she says hello, but she usually doesn’t want to be touched. This can be confusing for people, and they often reach down to stroke her.
When that happens, Bea can become very still and roll onto her side. This isn’t an invitation for a tummy rub. It’s her way of showing that she’s worried and that she means no harm. She’s essentially asking for the interaction to stop.
Unfortunately, people can easily misread this behaviour as an invitation to touch her, which is why I sometimes need to step in and explain.
Learning to listen when our dogs say “yes”, “not right now” or “please stop” is an important part of living safely and respectfully alongside them.
If you’d like to learn more about understanding dog body language, I highly recommend “Doggie Language" by Lili Chin. It’s a really accessible book and a great starting point for learning to recognise what our dogs are communicating.
How confident are you at recognising when your dog wants contact — and when they don’t?
