10/10/2026
🏆 I PRESENT TO YOU… BEST IN S**T SHOW!😂🎖️
Awarded to Remy!🏆💩
We can’t all be winners all the time. And oh my goodness, if we were all a little more honest, a little more often, we’d admit just how much of a s**t show life can be! 🤣
Today was a PRIME example of this.
For those of you unfamiliar with the dog show world, allow me to provide a little education and entertainment. Shall we proceed? 😂
1. Dog shows. 🐕
We, the people exhibiting and showing our dogs, pay someone we’ve likely never met to judge our dogs against everyone else who has also entered and paid to be there. More or less, it’s one person’s opinion of how well our dogs meet a breed standard based on a whole bunch of factors.
Yes, yes, I know I’m simplifying things, but not everyone knows a zillion things about dog shows, even those who love dogs!
2. Stepping into the ring. 🏃♀️🐾
This can last anywhere from two to five minutes on average. You prance, run, and try to present your dog at their absolute best.
Or, in some cases, like TODAY, you try not to get dragged around the ring by your dog. 🤣
Your dog might look absolutely beautiful standing still, but are they distracted by a piece of dropped food? Are they looking at the other dogs and wanting to play? Or are they simply NOT interested in playing our stupid little game that day?
Let’s not forget these are living, breathing creatures with minds of their own. They don’t necessarily care about a pretty ribbon, no matter how much we’d like them to!
3. Best in Show… or BEST IN S**T SHOW? 🏆💩
There are many things I could cover here, but for your entertainment, we’re focusing on the latter. And, friends, I have a story for you.
Picture this…
You spend the evening bathing dogs, making sure they’re clean, dry, and ready for grooming the next day. You finally crawl into bed, only to realize you haven’t thought about what YOU are going to wear.
Because apparently, walking around in your pyjamas, hair in a bun, and braless while washing dogs is NOT considered appropriate dog show attire. Who knew? 😂
What about food? Nah. You’ll eat when it’s all over tomorrow. You’ll be so nervous and hopped up on caffeine that anything you eat might shoot through you like a firecracker at the most unfortunate moment. You know, like when the neighbour’s kid woke everyone up at 3 a.m. one Halloween by nearly setting their house on fire. (A story for another day! 🤣)
Finally, you crawl into bed with a rough plan.
You’re on day two of four days of showing, with multiple dogs in the mix, and it’s already been a long week. So tomorrow, you’ll get up around 8 a.m., enjoy a slow start, feed the dogs, take them out to potty, and then head off with the show dogs to have their coats tidied up with help from people who are better at this than you are because, let’s be honest, you’re still learning.
Then you’ll grab coffee, rush out to buy an outfit because, AGAIN, pyjamas are apparently frowned upon, and return for a relaxing morning of grooming.
You’ll do your makeup perfectly, sit peacefully for 30 minutes, and then head to the ring, calm and collected, ready to watch your dogs perform like absolute superstars.
The dogs will sit quietly, make no fuss, and move beautifully around the ring.
EVERYTHING WILL GO ACCORDING TO PLAN.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. 😂😂😂
Oh, bless our optimistic little hearts.
WELCOME TO THE S**T SHOW.
Instead, it rains.
One dog refuses to potty, and another has absolutely ZERO interest in leaving the house. After what feels like a lifetime of trying to keep one dog dry and convincing another that going potty does NOT require a dirt-rolling extravaganza, you finally give up.
The dog still hasn’t p*ed or p**ped, and it’s time to leave.
So you leave.
And what does said dog do IMMEDIATELY?
P*ES ON THE CAR BLANKET.🤦♀️🤣
By some miracle, the dog manages not to p*e on themselves, but now you have a mess to deal with AND a dog who needs to try pottying again.
Thankfully, more p*e happens. And a p**p! SUCCESS! 🎉
Now you’re rushing around trying to get coffee, clothes, and cleanup sorted, with a few more sp*ed bumps thrown in for good measure.
Eventually, you make it to the show.
You unload everything and rush to groom the p*e dog, who is already making it abundantly clear that they are NOT HERE FOR THIS TODAY.
In your haste, you accidentally give the dog razor burn and possibly create the worst groom in the history of dog shows.
Or so it feels. 😭😂
But wait! There’s another dog to groom!
Thankfully, your co-handler has already groomed her dog and can take the p*e dog in for sweeps while you attempt to make your other dog presentable.
Except that dog has also decided grooming is absolutely not on the agenda today.
And because dogs are incredibly perceptive, this one has probably picked up on your stress and the fact that you’re still a little ticked off at the p*e dog.
Your co-handler returns from the ring, and another friend helpfully announces:
“Oh my goodness, he was a little turd!”
At this point, you’re not even surprised. That’s practically a glowing review. 🤣
You all take a deep breath, attempt to compose yourselves, and head over to your specialty show.
Because surely things will improve from here, right?
RIGHT?!
Nope.
Your p*e dog is still not a fan of life today, behaving like a typical teenage human child who has been dragged somewhere they absolutely do not want to be.
Meanwhile, one of your specials is about to come into season and seems to interpret every single look as an invitation to throw paws. 🙄😂
With the help of a small but mighty army, you all somehow manage to wrangle THREE dogs around the ring.
All of you collectively look at one another as if to say:
“Is it over yet? Because this is NOT IT today”.💀
You don’t win.
But you congratulate the winners, because that’s what we do. We paid to be here for this bizarre form of torture, both for ourselves and our dogs, and apparently, we’re all perfectly happy to keep coming back for more.
At this point, you genuinely start wondering if losing at dog shows is some sort of kink.
Because WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS?! 😂😂😂
But then, just when you think the day has absolutely nothing left to give…
Your p*e dog’s handler performs some kind of witchcraft and manages to get the little menace somewhat under control.
You pack up, head out, and finally have a moment to reflect on the day.
And then it hits you.
THE ONLY DOG WHO WON RIBBONS TODAY WAS THE P*E DOG🏆🤣
The SAME dog who had refused to cooperate, p*ed on the car blanket, made your morning a complete disaster, and then proceeded to move around the ring like a sled dog attached to a tiny piece of yarn.
OF COURSE HE DID.
Naturally, you celebrate! You tell his human mom that he won ribbons.
No points. No sanity. Not much dignity left.
But RIBBONS! 🏆😂
And just when you think you’ve done your duty and reported the results, his human mom kindly reminds you of one small detail:
“You’re his mom too.”❤️🤣
OH.
RIGHT.
So there you have it, folks.
🏆🎖️ BEST IN S**T SHOW GOES TO REMY
No points were earned in the making of this disaster. Sanity was questionable. Dignity was lost somewhere between the car blanket and the show ring.
But we survived, the dogs are loved, the winners were congratulated, and we have a story to tell.
And honestly? I wouldn’t trade these ridiculous, frustrating, hilarious days for anything.
Because sometimes you go to a dog show hoping to bring home a championship.
And sometimes you bring home a story about a p*e-covered blanket, a questionable haircut, three dogs having collective existential crises, and one very proud little s**t who somehow managed to win ribbons.
And THAT, my friends, is dog showing.😂🐾❤️
