14/10/2026
SEPARATION ANXIETY: ARE YOU LOVING YOUR DOG, OR ENABLING THE ANXIETY?
Separation anxiety is one of the issues I work with, and it can be a difficult one to overcome because, in many cases, the dog has become overly dependent on their human.
I often hear people say, “I’m the leader because my dog follows me everywhere.”
But following you everywhere doesn’t automatically mean your dog sees you as a leader. Sometimes, it means your dog has become so dependent on you that they struggle to feel safe and settled without you.
There is a difference between a healthy bond and unhealthy dependence.
When we constantly respond to every demand for attention, never teach our dogs to settle independently, and feel guilty about allowing them to experience any frustration, we can unintentionally reinforce the very behaviours we’re trying to avoid or modify.
When Batman first came home, he screamed the house down for the first two nights. He was in a safe, controlled environment, and I allowed him the opportunity to settle without rushing in every time he cried.
He learned that he was safe, that I wasn’t going to appear every time he made noise, and that he could settle on his own.
Today, he sleeps through the night, is comfortable being left at home, and remains calm when I come and go.
That didn’t happen by accident. It came from building independence, resilience and confidence from the beginning.
Now, I want to be clear: this doesn’t mean ignoring genuine distress or leaving a dog to panic. Separation anxiety needs to be approached carefully, with an understanding of the individual dog and a plan that builds their ability to cope without pushing them beyond what they can handle.
And here’s something else worth understanding.
Separation anxiety rarely exists in isolation. Some dogs struggling with it may also display hypervigilance, excessive barking, difficulty settling, poor impulse control, territorial behaviours or reactivity. These issues don’t occur in every dog, but they can be connected to a broader struggle with emotional regulation, confidence and independence.
This is why I look beyond the obvious behaviour. We need to understand the dog as a whole, rather than simply treating the symptoms we see.
As owners, our job isn’t to make our dogs dependent on us every minute of the day. It’s to help them feel safe and confident, even when we’re not there.
If you truly love your dog, sometimes you need to love them differently.
Give them the structure, boundaries, guidance and independence they need to become emotionally resilient.
Because real leadership isn’t about having a dog that follows you everywhere. It’s about helping your dog feel secure enough to settle, think and cope without constantly needing you.
And yes, sometimes doing what’s best for your dog feels uncomfortable for us as humans.
But our feelings shouldn’t dictate what our dogs need.
Let’s stop confusing dependence with love, and start building dogs who are confident enough to enjoy life with us
and without us.
