09/07/2026
The Myth of the Perfectly Regulated Horse😅
One of the strangest expectations we seem to have of horses is that, if we do things just right they'll eventually stop behaving like horses.
It's an understandable hope. We all want a calm, willing, confident horse. So when our horse becomes tense, distracted or reactive, we immediately assume something has gone wrong. We ask what we missed, what supplement they need, what training exercise we should have done, or whether someone on the internet has discovered a revolutionary new way of convincing mammals that weather no longer exists.
The unspoken promise behind a lot of horsemanship is that, one day, your horse will become emotionally waterproof.😬
Unfortunately, horses have never signed that agreement.
They are living animals. Like us, they have days when they feel better than others. Their capacity changes. Sometimes we know why. Sometimes we don't.
Perhaps there's discomfort developing. Perhaps the wind has picked up. Perhaps another horse has been calling all morning. Perhaps they've had poor sleep, their gut isn't quite right, or there's a fox somewhere that your human nose is blissfully unaware of.
Or perhaps it's just Tuesday.🤷♀️
One of the biggest lessons horses have taught me is that my job isn't to prevent every emotional response. My job is to notice it, think about it, and make good decisions because of it.
That sounds simple, but I think it's one of the main threshold concepts in horsemanship.
Once it clicks, everything else starts to look different.
It's one of the reasons I spend so much time teaching people to do simple exercises like Leading and Backwards, Forward, Yield...really really well.
People sometimes expect these exercises to be about teaching a horse to lead politely. They are, but that's almost the least interesting part.
Those few minutes become a conversation.
You start to notice whether your horse is focused or distracted, soft or bracey, relaxed or carrying tension. You begin to recognise what feels normal for your horse and what doesn't. At the same time, your horse is returning to something familiar and predictable. It's a conversation you've both had hundreds of times.
Sometimes that's enough to help them settle.
Sometimes it tells you something else.
Perhaps today isn't the day to head out on a trail ride with forty kilometre an hour winds because your horse has less capacity than usual. Instead, you spend twenty minutes on the ground and both of you finish the session feeling successful.
That's not lowering your expectations.
That's making a better decision.
I think where many people become trapped is that they see any emotional response from their horse as something that must be fixed immediately. They feel responsible not only for the horse's welfare, but for the horse's emotional state.
That's an impossible job.
You can't completely control another individual's emotions. You can influence them.
You can support them. You can create predictable experiences, teach useful skills and make thoughtful decisions. But horses are still horses. They will have good days and off days, just as we do.
Ironically, the more we accept that, the less of a problem it often becomes.
When we stop worrying that our horse must be perfectly regulated every day, we become more regulated ourselves. We stop searching frantically for explanations every time something feels different. We become steadier, more predictable and less reactive.
The horse experiences that.
Not because we've somehow transmitted calming frequencies through the lead rope, but because our behaviour changes. We handle them with more confidence. We make better decisions. We stop escalating situations simply because we're worried about what their emotions might mean.
Over time, something else changes.
Your horse no longer feels unpredictable.
Not because they've stopped having emotional days, but because you've stopped expecting them not to.
You understand that today they might need something different from yesterday. You know how to recognise that, and more importantly, you know what to do next.
To me, that's what confidence really is.
It isn't believing your horse will always be calm.
It's knowing that, if they aren't, you'll still be able to think clearly.❤
Collectable Advice 254/365.
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