06/26/2026
🤣🤣
The farrier showed up today, and for those of you who don’t know, a farrier is basically a pedicurist for horses.
Now normally, that would not be something that concerns me. But today, after the farrier left, we went down to the barn to play with my Chuckit, and the human, being subpar, forgot to clean up the hoof trimmings.
Folks, I discovered today that hoof trimmings are apparently a delicacy.
Crunchy. Savory. Marinated in horse s**t, dirt, and whatever other swamp-ass pasture seasoning those 1,200-pound freeloaders have been stomping around in all day. And because horses are built like tractors and apparently spend half their lives sinking into the muddy parts of the pasture like they’re prospecting for oil, these little hoof snacks have a rich, earthy finish that frankly I found compelling.
So naturally, the second I saw one, my first thought was, I would like to consume this immediately.
I snatched one up and got to chomping, and the human — who has apparently had enough diarrhea-related incidents in this household to last her for the remainder of her life — started trying to trade me for it. First she offered a ball.
Ma’am. I do not want your ball.
I know exactly how this scam works. You chuck that thing clear across the yard, and I have to go chase it. Suddenly I’m participating in cardio against my will. Absolutely not. I don’t want to get lean. I don’t want to get athletic. I want to lay in the dirt and eat my disgusting little barn charcuterie in peace.
So I ignored her and kept chewing.
And then she pulled out the heavy artillery.
She smacked her lips at me.
Now folks, when this woman smacks her lips, that means there is a dehydrated sweet potato chip waiting for me back at the house if I get in my crate. So I took off like a bat out of hell toward the house, because I may be a filthy little gremlin, but I’m not stupid.
But don’t think for one second I forgot about my hoof trimming.
I dropped a pin on that location and will absolutely be returning to the scene tomorrow to continue my investigation into these ethically sourced pasture snacks. Frankly, the human should be proud of me. It’s not like I ripped them off the horse’s feet myself while they were still attached. These were discarded, renewable resources.
I’m an environmentally conscious predator.
Disrespectfully,
Skye
Composting specialist
