12/08/2021
Too funny not to share.
Dear Customer,
Congratulations on acquiring your Labrador. Please find the instructions for your particular model listed below.
Although your Labrador comes fully assembled, due to particular issues during production, we do occasionally see issues with components such as screws, coming loose or missing altogether.
Mode 1: This is the sleep mode, activated for the majority of the day, and increases as the Labrador ages. This is normal and you should not worry about it, just accept the peace and quiet while you can.
Mode 2: Anarchy. Although we have tried to ease the effect of anarchy mode, it’s not always possible. There have been inherent issues with the timer settings of anarchy mode during shipping; therefore, there are none installed. Should your Labrador suddenly go from comatose to bouncing off the walls, you cannot stop this feature, so don't even try.
Sunlight: Do not allow your Labrador to stay in the sun too long. They can burn if left unattended, but they also utilize this to recharge. Too much of a charge; however, and mode 2 can be activated without warning.
Energy consumption: There has been an issue identified as energy consumption. We have tried to put baffles, one way valves and diversions in place but none seem to work adequately. Safe to say what goes in comes out, in both solids and gas. The gas, although noxious, can only inhibit breathing of the owner for up to ten minutes 🤢 Be sure to ventilate your working area well during energy consumption - or purchase a gas mask.
Naming: Your Labrador comes untitled as we feel owners should use names of their own choosing. If you are undecided we have listed a few names below that our owners like to use:
You’re kidding me
Is that yours?
Don’t you dare
K**b
Do**us
Put that down
Why?
Get that out of your mouth
Software: Your Labrador has come pre-installed with the highest software, firmware and hardware. This includes the loyalty chip, the love every one chip, fun chip and, of course, the highly popular mayhem chip. They are all running on the WHATTHEFU@@ operating system 12.2. Although this revision has been in circulation for many years, we have found it simply cannot be improved upon.
Should you have any questions or concerns regarding your newly acquired child, you can reach us on 118-what-did-I-do
We hope you have many years of enjoyment with your Labrador. Please be aware that by the time you have read this, your warranty will have run out. Unfortunately, we do not renew warranties and we do not offer refunds or returns……. ever. It’s your problem now.
Thank you!
-Management
