08/27/2026
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/14np3sJSEtq/
DOG SHOW LIFE, SOUTHERN STYLE — ROUND 5 😂🐾
What to expect when you walk onto the fairgrounds for your FIRST dog show…
Alright, newbies. You entered the dog. You practiced your down-and-back 47 times in the driveway. You packed enough crap to survive three natural disasters.
You pull onto the fairgrounds thinking:
“Okay… I got this.”
No, you don’t.
But that’s adorable. 😂
Welcome to dog shows — where your dog is prepared and YOU are the problem.
💰 FIRST SURPRISE — PARKING.
You already paid the entry fee. You bought gas. Probably got a hotel. Bought bait, leads, grooming supplies and an outfit you swear you’re going to wear more than once.
Then some yahoo standing at the gate says:
“Parking is $5.”
Well alrighty then.
Apparently my vehicle is entered too. 😂
Pay the man and proceed approximately three counties over to your parking spot.
See those beautiful spots right beside the building?
Keep driving, sugar. Those ain’t yours. 😂
Those belong to people who apparently arrived sometime during the previous administration.
And THIS is when you’ll understand why experienced dog-show people own wagons.
Because you’re about to unload:
A dog.
A crate.
A grooming table.
Two chairs.
A cooler.
A tack box.
Seven bags.
And seventeen things you don’t remember packing.
Basically $4,000 worth of crap to try to win a $2 ribbon. 😂
By trip number four, your show clothes are sticking to you and you’re questioning every decision you’ve made since childhood.
🏕️ NOW FIND A SETUP SPOT.
Oh look!
An empty spot!
NO IT AIN’T. 😂
Somebody reserved it.
Somebody’s saving it.
Somebody’s friend is coming.
Or somebody’s grandmother showed a Poodle there in 1986 and apparently the family inherited the mineral rights.
ASK FIRST.
Eventually you’ll find your six square feet of concrete and construct what appears to be a temporary homeless encampment occupied by people with very expensive dogs and $3,000 grooming tables.
Congratulations.
You’ve homesteaded. 😂
📢 NOW STOP AND LISTEN.
Because nobody warned you about the NOISE.
Dogs barking.
Dryers blowing.
Crates rattling.
People talking.
Somebody hollering across the building.
A steward calling numbers.
A Chihuahua threatening everybody within a 40-foot radius.
A Great Dane barking loud enough to rearrange your internal organs.
And somehow everybody else is walking around like this is perfectly normal.
It is. Welcome to dog shows. 😂
Then you notice the CROWDS.
Dogs everywhere.
People everywhere.
Wagons coming at you.
Crates rolling by.
Grooming tables moving.
Somebody has four dogs in one hand, coffee in the other, bait in their mouth and somehow looks completely calm.
Meanwhile you have ONE Chinese Crested and have already lost your paperwork.
🐕 AND THEN COME THE HANDLERS.
You’ll recognize them.
They’re the people moving through the building at approximately Mach Jesus. 😂
Suit on.
Dog under one arm.
Leads flying.
Bait hanging out of a pocket.
And a facial expression that clearly says:
MOVE OR BECOME PART OF THE ENTRY.
Don’t take it personally.
They’re probably showing a Golden in Ring 2, a Terrier in Ring 6 and somebody just told them their Crested is walking into Ring 4.
You’ll see a grown adult in dress shoes FULL-ON RUNNING through the fairgrounds carrying a dog like the Olympic torch.
Nobody is chasing them.
Nothing is on fire.
They have a ring conflict. 😂
Give it a few shows and that’ll be YOU.
🐾 NOW LET’S MEET THE PEOPLE.
Dog shows have some of the BEST people you’ll ever meet.
They’ll spot that deer-in-the-headlights look immediately.
“Honey, are you new?”
They’ll help you find your ring, loan you something, answer questions, watch your crate and possibly save your butt when you’re about to miss your class.
Find those people. Keep those people. Feed those people. 😂
Then…
There are THE OTHERS.
You smile.
“Good morning!”
Nothing.
You try again.
“Beautiful dog!”
They look at you like you just asked to borrow their Social Security number.
Then you innocently reach toward their dog…
“DON’T TOUCH MY DOG!”
😳
Okay, Susan.
I wasn’t planning on putting him in my purse.
Now seriously — always ask before touching somebody’s show dog.
There are perfectly legitimate reasons somebody may not want their dog petted. They may be freshly groomed, nervous, young, reactive or getting ready to walk into the ring.
That’s fair.
But there’s a difference between:
“I’m sorry, he’s getting ready to go in.”
…and acting like I just reached for the Crown Jewels.
I GOT IT, SUSAN. HANDS IN MY POCKETS. 😂
⏰ NOW… WHERE IN THE SAM HILL IS YOUR RING?
You should have received paperwork or judging information telling you your ring number and judging time.
You might also pick up a catalog at the show.
Now if you’re anything like me…
That paperwork is in a very safe place.
On the kitchen counter.
At home.
Two hours away.
Right beside the coffee you also forgot. 😂
Because naturally I remembered six leads, chicken bait, brushes, hairspray, scissors, three outfits and enough emergency supplies to deliver a litter ringside…
but apparently knowing WHERE I’M SUPPOSED TO SHOW wasn’t important.
Don’t panic.
Find somebody working there and ask:
“Where are Chinese Cresteds?”
They’ll help point you toward the right ring.
Or worse…
“They’re in Building Three.”
Building THREE?!
Nobody said there was going to be a campus tour. 😂
So off you go.
Ring 1.
Ring 2.
Wrong building.
Back outside.
Past the concession stand.
Around the livestock barn.
Dodging wagons.
Dodging dogs.
Moving out of the way of another handler running like her pantyhose are on fire.
Your Apple Watch suddenly congratulates you:
“You’ve completed a workout!”
Ma’am…
I AM NOT EXERCISING. I AM LOST. 😂
FINALLY.
THERE’S YOUR RING!
You made it.
You check the time.
Check your dog.
Look around.
You’re feeling pretty dang accomplished.
Look at you.
Basically a professional now.
Then somebody asks:
“What’s your armband number?”
…………
😳
OH YEAH.
THE ARMBAND. 😂😂😂
That little number you completely forgot existed while you were hauling half your household across the county.
Now you’re standing ringside:
“And where exactly do I acquire one of THOSE?”
Head to the ring table/steward and get your exhibitor number.
Then somebody asks:
“Do you have an armband holder?”
A WHAT?!
Nobody mentioned accessories for the accessories. 😂
Don’t panic.
Somebody nearby will have a rubber band, safety pin, clip, holder or some ancient elastic contraption that’s been living in the bottom of a tack box since 1997.
Strap that sucker on.
LOOK AT YOU NOW!
Dog? ✔️
Ring found? ✔️
Armband? ✔️
Bait? ✔️
Lead? ✔️
Susan successfully avoided? ✔️
YOU ARE READY.
Now keep your eyes on that ring, because they’re not coming to hunt you down when it’s your turn.
And eventually you look around and realize everybody in front of you is suddenly getting up and heading ringside.
Wait.
WHY IS EVERYBODY MOVING?!
OH LORD.
WE’RE UP. 😂
You grab your lead.
Grab your bait.
Check your armband.
Look down…
…………
WHERE’S THE DOG?!
In the crate.
Back at your setup.
IN BUILDING TWO.
😂😂😂
And suddenly YOU’RE the yahoo running through the fairgrounds in show clothes carrying a naked dog like the Olympic torch.
Congratulations, baby.
YOU’VE BECOME ONE OF US. 😂
So if you’re heading to your first dog show:
Ask questions.
Ask before touching dogs.
Bring a wagon.
Bring $5.
Keep track of your paperwork.
Find your ring.
Watch your judging time.
Stay out of the path of handlers moving at Mach Jesus.
And for the love of everything holy…
GET YOUR DANG ARMBAND. 😂
Most importantly, ACT LIKE YOU BELONG THERE.
Because you do.
Every breeder, owner-handler and professional you see walking around looking like they were born knowing this stuff had a first dog show too.
Some of them have just conveniently forgotten what it felt like. 😉
Welcome to dog shows — where parking is $5, your paperwork is at home, your ring is in another county, Susan doesn’t want you touching her dog, handlers are flying past at Mach Jesus, and you’ve walked 6,000 steps before 9 a.m. trying to win a ribbon worth approximately $2.
And right when you think you’ve got it all figured out…
OH YEAH.
THE DANG ARMBAND. 😂🐾
