08/12/2026
Oh boy I had my quarterly allergy check up at the vets yesterday.
You know itโs going to be a bad day when Mum gets out the carrier, the plastic box of lies.
The one that only appears when somebodyโs about to violate your trust.
I spent the entire car journey singing the song of my people.
Not because I was scared, but because I wanted witnesses.
Dad kept saying, โItโs alright mate.โ
It bloody well is not!
we arrive at the vets and Iโm hauled out for my inspection.
First came the scales and apparently Iโve put on a little weight.
Honestly, I think the scales were on a slope.
Then the vet says, โLetโs take his temperatureโ
Now that sounds harmless.
It was not!
The vet lifted my tail, I saw the thermometer.
Immediately I had concerns, there has to be a less personal way of gathering information
There are some trust exercises you never fully recover from.
After that ordeal, the vet handed me a lick e lick to keep me occupied while she checked me over.
Excellent service.
Five stars.
Iโm happily licking away while sheโs feeling my tummy.
Little squish here, then a firmer squish.
Then she found a button she absolutely should not have pressed.
My stomach immediately filed a complaint.
Now most people, when faced with incoming cat vomit, move away.
Not Dad.
For reasons known only to himself and possibly the Cod above, Dad lunged forward with both hands.
Like he was trying to save a dropped baby.
The man chose action.
And somehow he caught it.
All of it.
My breakfast and half a lick e lick.
The lot.
There he stood Fifty one years old, holding warm cat sick in both hands.
A man at the absolute peak of his decision making abilities.
The room fell silent.
The vet looked at Dad, and then she absolutely lost it
Bent double laughing, tears streaming down her face.
Mum slid off the chair laughing so hard she stopped making human noises
The vet finally managed to gasp, โWhy would you try and catch it?!โ
Excellent question, nobody knows not even Dad.
Dad just stood there with the expression of a man whoโd caught first and thought second
Eventually the vet handed him about seventeen paper towels and escorted him towards a sink.
Meanwhile I felt fantastic.
Ten pounds lighter, Iโm like weigh me now witch, see what your stupid scales say now
Spiritually renewed.
In fact, I felt so much better I let out a tiny little toot.
Just a polite one
A gentlemanโs fart
A little message to the room
System reset complete
Hahaha
