09/23/2026
🐾 A BEGINNER’S FIELD GUIDE TO RINGSIDE PERSONALITIES 🐾
If you’re new to dog shows, welcome. Before entering the ring, you must first learn to identify the creatures gathered around it. Approach some carefully, avoid sudden movements and never let them know you’re new until you’ve located an exit.
The Genuinely Helpful One
A rare and beautiful creature. She carries safety pins, bait, wipes, an extra lead and enough medication to restart a small hospital. She’ll help without making you feel dumb or posting about her good deed later. If you find one, stay close. She may be the only reason you make it into the ring fully clothed.
The Ringside Whisperer
Can spot a straight shoulder, bad rear and incorrect bite from three buildings away. Unfortunately, she cannot spot you standing two feet behind her while she explains every fault your dog has had since birth.
The Parking-Lot Judge
Didn’t enter a dog. Isn’t approved to judge. May not even own the breed. Still managed to examine every dog through a dirty windshield and reach a final decision before judging began.
The “I’m Just Here for Fun” Exhibitor
Has counted the dogs, calculated the points, researched the judge, checked every absentee and built a small spreadsheet in her head. But she is absolutely just here to have fun…and if one dog doesn’t show, she’ll be having that fun in tears.
The Professional Handler Who Is Also a Breeder
She does not simply arrive at the show…she entereth her kingdom.
She knows every dog, every pedigree, every judge and every bit of gossip going back six generations. She has clients, assistants, reserved grooming space and an invisible moat around her setup. Her suggestions are not suggestions, they are royal decrees.
But watch closely when another professional handler rolls a cart into what she considers her territory. The clouds darken. The court grows silent. Grooming combs are drawn like swords and assistants begin ducking behind tack boxes.
There may be a full-blown battle for the throne before Winners Bitch, while the dogs lay peacefully in their crates wondering why these grown women can’t just sniff butts and move on like civilized animals.
The Self-Appointed Queen of the Breed
Arriveth with an invisible crown and three loyal subjects carrying crates. She looks across the setup like she owns the building, the breed and possibly the judge. She hasn’t finished a dog since flip phones, but let us not upset the kingdom with facts.
The Excessively Calm Handler
Has six dogs, three ring conflicts, no lunch and one shoe separating from the sole. Still smiling. Meanwhile, you have one dog, twenty minutes until ring time and your nervous system is hiding beneath the grooming table eating cheese.
The Brand-New Exhibitor
Holding an armband, a confused dog and directions written on the back of an entry confirmation. Be kind to this one. We were all new once, although some folks carry on like they were delivered in a whelping box holding a show lead and quoting the breed standard.
The Dog-Show Husband
Doesn’t know the dog’s registered name, call name, class or s*x. Calls every male “Buddy” and every female “that little white one.” However, he can locate the concession stand, restroom and nearest comfortable chair before the first class is called.
The Winner
The judge is brilliant, honest and blessed with a remarkable understanding of the breed.
The Loser
That same judge is blind, crooked and couldn’t find the breed standard if somebody rolled it up and smacked him with it.
And then…there is Barbara Jean.
Barbara Jean is not the judge, ring steward, superintendent or show chair. This hath never stopped her from supervising all four.
She knows who should’ve won, who shouldn’t have entered, where everybody ought to park and exactly what is wrong with your dog. She has never been asked for this information, which is fortunate because asking is not required.
She’ll lean over the ring rope and whisper loud enough for three breeds to hear, “I’m not saying anything ugly…”
Then proceed to say something so ugly it needs its own rabies certificate.
Do not startle Barbara Jean. Do not make prolonged eye contact. Do not mention points, pedigrees or yesterday’s judging.
And under no circumstances ask, “What do you think?”
She thinks alot…and you have somewhere to be. 😂
Photo credit : 2023 National Dog Show Souvenir Program.
© Letha Anne / EverCrest
