10/18/2026
The Mr. Dog Log 💩
October 18th Edition
“Jethro, Questionable Decisions, and the World’s Smallest Freeloading Roommate”
P**p, here it is. 💩
This week featured:
a Jethro with some very big shoes to fill,
a dog who considers sniffing a full-time occupation,
and a reminder that my entire personality has apparently been replaced by dog-related nonsense.
Let's get into it.
Monday: A Normal Job Would Have Been Nice
Sometimes I wonder what my life would look like if I'd chosen a different career.
Maybe I'd work in an office.
Wear sensible shoes.
Have sick days and vacation time
Attend meetings about quarterly projections.
Have colleagues who discuss the weather instead of telling me about their dog's bowel movements.
My résumé would be spectacular.
Skills include:
Interpreting canine body language.
Explaining why your dog is not plotting your murder.
Discussing p**p with the casual confidence of a gastroenterologist.
Keeping a straight face when someone tells me something truly unhinged.
Tuesday: Name of the Week
Name of the week:
Jethro.
Now, there are several famous Jethros to consider.
Jethro Bodine from The Beverly Hillbillies: a sweet man whose relationship with advanced mathematics was... aspirational.
Jethro Gibbs from NCIS: a man who could make a room full of federal agents nervous just by removing his sunglasses.
And Jethro Tull: a band named after an agricultural pioneer.
So I'm picturing a dog who can either solve a murder, count to eleventeen, or revolutionize eighteenth-century farming.
Wednesday: P Has a Job
I've decided P needs to start contributing financially to this household.
His current résumé is a little thin.
Professional napper.
Cheese enthusiast.
Part-time neighborhood investigator.
Occasional poultry treasure hunter.
He's clearly got transferable skills.
Unfortunately, his only demonstrated economic contribution is making people say, "Oh my God, he's so cute!"
Which, to be fair, is a pretty solid business model.
I've seen less qualified people on the internet making considerably more money.
Thursday: A Completely Reasonable Use of My Time
I spend an embarrassing amount of my professional life thinking about what dogs are thinking and even more time getting my clients to do the same.
Why did that dog bark?
Why did that dog steal the sandwich?
Why did that dog stare at a perfectly ordinary object like it had just revealed the location of Jimmy Hoffa?
Friday: Finally, Someone Gets It
I was out walking P today when a woman passed us and said:
"I like that you let him sniff."
Reader.
I nearly proposed marriage.
Not to the woman.
Let's not get carried away.
But I wanted to hand her a trophy, a gift card, and the keys to the state of Maine.
Because do you know how often people seem to think walking a dog means marching them down the road like they're late for a dentist appointment?
Meanwhile, P is conducting an exhaustive investigation into one blade of grass.
And this woman gets it.
She understands that the dog is having an experience, not completing a fitness challenge.
I hope she finds $20 in a coat pocket.
I hope every avocado she buys is perfectly ripe.
I hope she never has to stand behind someone at the grocery store who decides to pay for $147.32 in groceries entirely in nickels.
May the universe reward this woman accordingly.
And That's The Week
Jethro may be a detective, a hillbilly, or an agricultural pioneer.
P remains unemployed despite an impressive portfolio of naps and petty theft.
I continue to make a living discussing things that would get me escorted out of a dinner party.
And somewhere in Maine, a woman is walking, minding her own business, completely unaware that she's been promoted to honorary patron saint of letting dogs sniff.
Until next Sunday,
– Sara & P 🐾💩
