10/08/2026
A little education about spaying and neutering!
☀️💀 GOOD MORNING, YOU REPRODUCTIVELY IRRESPONSIBLE FU***NG WALNUTS. 🗣️ A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ONE MOMMY GOOMBIE. 🖕🐾
Good morning, as****es.
It’s me. GOOMBA.
Your favorite emotionally unstable, government-disapproving, ball obsessed, three year hostage situation with teeth.
Apparently, TWO MOMMY TOMMY had my name in his mouth AGAIN last night.
Tommy, you orthopedic disaster with a social media manager, I need you to understand something.
Just because The Dodo and WeRateDogs gave you five minutes of fame does NOT mean you’ve been elected President of the United States of Rescue Dogs.
Congratulations. You’re famous.
WHOOPTY FU***NG DOO. 🎉
You’ve got international fans, a le***an fan club, and more relationship requirements than a 47 year old divorced woman named Jessica who just discovered astrology.
Meanwhile, I have a criminally impressive résumé, my own television, a three-year reign of psychological warfare, and a woman who has developed the reflexes of a Navy SEAL just trying to coexist with me.
We are NOT the same.
You want two mommies and a comfortable couch.
I want congressional authority and the ability to legally remove stupidity from the gene pool.
NOW. SPEAKING OF REMOVING THINGS FROM THE GENE POOL.
LET’S TALK ABOUT BALLS. 🥜✂️
And uteruses.
Because apparently, in the year 2026, we STILL have to explain why allowing every fu***ng dog in America to reproduce like they’re participating in some kind of canine fertility Olympics is a TERRIBLE IDEA.
LET ME GIVE YOU SOME NUMBERS THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU S**T YOUR PANTS. 💀🐾
In 2025, North Carolina’s reporting public animal shelters euthanized:
🐕 16,959 DOGS.
🐈 21,752 CATS.
💔 38,711 TOTAL DOGS AND CATS.
THIRTY-EIGHT THOUSAND.
SEVEN HUNDRED.
AND ELEVEN.
WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE REPRODUCTIVE F**KERY IS GOING ON HERE?
And before someone named Teresa starts aggressively typing with her unwashed fingers, THESE ARE ONLY THE NUMBERS FROM THE COUNTIES THAT REPORTED.
The actual statewide number is likely HIGHER.
LET THAT MARINATE IN YOUR LITTLE CRANIUMS FOR A MOMENT.
Nearly 39,000 dogs and cats euthanized in ONE FU***NG YEAR, in the reporting shelters of ONE STATE.
Not all were euthanized because of overcrowding. Some were suffering from severe medical conditions or had serious behavioral concerns.
BUT THE SHELTER OVERPOPULATION CRISIS IS STILL VERY FU***NG REAL.
And while rescues are out here selling merchandise, begging for donations, sacrificing their sanity, and developing stress-induced eye twitches trying to save these animals, some as***le named Randy is breeding his dog in the backyard because Diesel has a beautiful head and an impressive set of testicles.
CONGRATULATIONS, RANDY.
DIESEL HAS A SKULL AND A SC***UM.
SO DOES HALF THE FU***NG PLANET.
THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE NEEDS TO FATHER AN ENTIRE ZIP CODE.
And let’s not forget the cats.
TWENTY-ONE THOUSAND, SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-TWO.
Apparently, the feline population is also participating in the nationwide reproductive Hunger Games.
SPAY YOUR CATS.
NEUTER YOUR CATS.
SUPPORT TRAP NEUTER RETURN PROGRAMS FOR COMMUNITY CATS.
BECAUSE WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER 47 KITTENS LIVING BEHIND A FU***NG APPLEBEE’S.
I am a neutered dog with a documented history of questionable life decisions, and EVEN I understand that we cannot keep producing animals faster than we can find them homes.
I LOST MY BALLS AND SOMEHOW GAINED MORE COMMON SENSE THAN HALF THE HUMAN POPULATION.
LET THAT BE MY LEGACY.
NOT MY CRIMINAL RECORD.
NOT MY THREE YEARS OF HOLDING AMANDA PSYCHOLOGICALLY HOSTAGE.
MY FU***NG CONTRIBUTION TO POPULATION CONTROL.
NOW LET’S DISCUSS WHY SPAYING AND NEUTERING MATTERS BEYOND PREVENTING MORE UNWANTED LITTERS. 🥜✂️💀
Listen up, you reproductively irresponsible sacks of s**t.
As a gentleman who had his testicles forcibly repossessed by the woman holding me hostage, I feel uniquely qualified to discuss this subject.
YES. I’M NEUTERED.
THEY TOOK MY FU***NG BALLS.
DID THEY ASK MY PERMISSION?
NO.
DID I RECEIVE FINANCIAL COMPENSATION?
ALSO NO.
DID IT IMPROVE MY ATTITUDE?
HAVE YOU FU***NG MET ME?
Anyway.
Let’s discuss the females.
Spaying prevents something called PYOMETRA.
For those of you who received your veterinary degree from the University of Facebook, that’s a potentially FATAL uterine infection.
YOUR DOG’S UTERUS CAN LITERALLY TURN INTO A FESTERING BAG OF BACTERIAL HORRORS.
Spaying can also reduce the risk of mammary tumors, particularly when performed early.
BUT NOOOOOO.
Princess needs to experience motherhood.
WHY, JESSICA?
DID PRINCESS EXPRESS INTEREST IN RAISING A FAMILY?
HAS SHE APPLIED FOR MATERNITY LEAVE?
IS SHE CURRENTLY LOOKING AT FU***NG MINIVANS?
No.
Princess just ate a pair of underwear and is currently threatening a decorative pumpkin.
SHE DOESN’T NEED CHILDREN. SHE NEEDS SUPERVISION.
NOW LET’S DISCUSS THE MALES AND THEIR PRECIOUS LITTLE FAMILY JEWELS. 🥜
Neutering eliminates the risk of testicular cancer and can reduce certain prostate problems.
NO TESTICLES.
NO TESTICULAR CANCER.
FU***NG GROUNDBREAKING.
And to the grown men who refuse to neuter their dogs because somehow it threatens THEIR masculinity…
SIR.
WHY ARE YOU SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR DOG’S SC***UM?
ARE YOU TWO SHARING IT?
DOES DIESEL’S TESTICLE COUNT DETERMINE YOUR CREDIT SCORE?
I LOST MINE AND I’M STILL THE MOST DANGEROUS LITTLE AS***LE IN THIS HOUSE.
MY BALLS WERE REMOVED.
MY AUDACITY WAS NOT.
And let’s discuss the accidental litters.
Every litter prevented means fewer puppies potentially entering an already overwhelmed shelter system.
WE ARE TRYING TO EMPTY A FU***NG BATHTUB WHILE YOU MORONS KEEP TURNING ON THE FAUCET.
At this point, I’m convinced some of you are breeding dogs specifically to send Amanda into an early grave.
Now, before Joe arrives with his 47 screenshots about how neutering is the downfall of civilization, YES, sterilization timing matters.
Breed matters.
Size matters.
Health matters.
Especially in large and giant breeds.
TALK TO YOUR VETERINARIAN.
An actual veterinarian.
Not your neighbor’s unemployed boyfriend who watched three YouTube videos and now identifies as a canine reproductive specialist.
I MAY BE A PSYCHOPATH, BUT I’M AN EDUCATED PSYCHOPATH.
And unlike Two-Mommy Tommy, I don’t require a committee of emotional support le***ans to make important decisions.
IN CONCLUSION:
Your dog does not need to reproduce to live a fulfilling life.
Your female dog does not need to experience motherhood.
Your male dog does not need to impregnate the entire fu***ng ZIP code.
And you do not need to start a backyard breeding operation because someone told you Diesel has a handsome face.
I HAVE BEEN BALL-LESS FOR YEARS AND STILL MANAGE TO TERRORIZE AN ENTIRE RESCUE ORGANIZATION.
CLEARLY, THE TESTICLES WERE NEVER THE SOURCE OF MY POWER.
AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE SUBJECT: GOVERNMENT REGULATION. 🏛️🔥
I believe we need serious federal action on irresponsible breeding and animal overpopulation.
MANDATORY SPAY AND NEUTER, with appropriate veterinary exemptions.
MANDATORY BREEDER LICENSING.
STRICT BREEDING REGULATIONS.
SUBSTANTIAL LICENSING FEES.
REAL INSPECTIONS.
REAL ENFORCEMENT.
AND REAL CONSEQUENCES FOR PEOPLE WHO KEEP PRODUCING LITTER AFTER LITTER WHILE OUR SHELTERS ARE DROWNING.
You want to breed dogs?
FANTASTIC, RAYMOND.
Get licensed. Meet meaningful welfare standards. Document your breeding practices. Provide proper veterinary care. Take responsibility for the animals you produce.
And stop pretending that putting two dogs together in your backyard makes you a professional breeder.
YOUR GARAGE IS NOT A FU***NG GENETICS LABORATORY, JUAN.
I would love to see this country set an ambitious goal of reducing shelter intake by 30–50% within five years through responsible breeding regulations, accessible spay/neuter services, enforcement, and better animal welfare policies.
That’s a GOAL, not a scientifically guaranteed outcome. Research has not established that a nationwide mandatory sterilization law would achieve that percentage on its own.
And any legislation MUST include affordable veterinary access and sensible medical exemptions. Otherwise, we’re just punishing responsible owners who cannot afford surgery instead of solving the actual problem.
BUT IMAGINE WHAT WE COULD ACCOMPLISH IF WE ACTUALLY STARTED TREATING ANIMAL OVERPOPULATION LIKE THE NATIONAL CRISIS IT IS.
Fewer unwanted litters.
Fewer dogs entering overcrowded shelters.
Fewer rescues drowning in medical bills.
Fewer shelter workers having to make devastating decisions.
And fewer perfectly wonderful dogs losing their lives because humans couldn’t get their collective s**t together.
We cannot adopt our way out of unlimited breeding.
We cannot foster our way out of unlimited breeding.
And we sure as F**K cannot keep expecting rescues to clean up the mess while the people contributing to it continue business as usual.
PREVENTION IS PART OF THE SOLUTION, YOU ABSOLUTE FU***NG TURNIPS.
And before Melissa comes galloping into the comments on her moral superiority horse, yes, there are legitimate veterinary considerations surrounding sterilization, especially with large and giant breeds.
That’s why you CONSULT YOUR VETERINARIAN.
Not your cousin.
Not your neighbor.
Not some guy named Randy who bred his French bulldog seven times because he wanted to buy a bass boat.
A VETERINARIAN.
Anyway.
Tommy, I hope your two future mommies are reading this.
Because while you’re busy worrying about throw pillows, orthopedic mattresses, and whether the couch faces the television at a suitable angle, SOME OF US are trying to save the fu***ng country.
You’re an influencer.
I’m a public menace with a legislative agenda.
STAY IN YOUR LANE, TOMMY.
And to everyone else:
Spay and neuter responsibly.
Support affordable sterilization programs.
Hold irresponsible breeders accountable.
Adopt. Foster. Advocate.
And for the love of all things holy, STOP MAKING MORE DOGS WHEN WE CAN’T SAVE THE ONES ALREADY HERE.
With absolutely no respect for stupidity,
GOOMBA 💀🐾
Speaker of the House of STAB
One Mommy Goombie (OMG)
Director of Unsolicited Opinions
Chairman of the Committee on Unnecessary Testicles
Three-Year Survivor of Forced Domesticity
Future Secretary of Animal Welfare & General F**kery
P.S. Tommy, your fame is temporary. My psychological damage is a permanent installation.
P.P.S. Amanda says I am not permitted to personally enforce any of these proposed regulations.
Apparently, biting irresponsible breeders is considered assault.
THIS COUNTRY HAS LOST ITS FU***NG MIND.
🐾 Saving the “Aggressive” Breeds Rescue, Inc.
🌐 www.stabrescue.com
STAB THE STIGMA. CHANGE MINDS. CHANGE LIVES.
