09/10/2026
π²πΆ JO & CO PET CARE IS GOING GREENβ¦ APPARENTLY. πΆπ²
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it appears our wonderful government has once again come up with an absolutely groundbreaking solution to the rising cost of fuel.
Rather than doing something completely outrageous like reducing fuel duty or capping taxes, they've apparently decided that white van drivers should simply consider swapping their vans for cargo bikes.
FU***NG GENIUS. πππ
Why didn't I think of that?!
So, after careful consideration (approximately 4 seconds), I've decided to fully embrace this revolutionary transport solution.
π Mercy is FOR SALE.
π Olga is also FOR SALE.
Although, thinking about it, they were very specific about WHITE vans, and Olga isn't whiteβ¦ so perhaps she can stay. Wouldn't want to accidentally go against government advice. π
From Monday, all Jo & Co dogs will be transported via one cargo bike.
πΆ Leela will be sitting on my knee, obviously. She's management.
πΆ Daisy will be in the front basket questioning every single life decision that's led her to this moment.
πΆ The remaining dogs will be distributed between various baskets, compartments and any available surface area.
πΆ Larger dogs will be expected to contribute by pedalling.
πΆ Any dogs who don't fit will be issued a high-vis jacket and asked to run alongside.
Please allow an additional 3β5 working days for collections, particularly if you live uphill.
On the plus side, I won't have to worry about MOTs, engine management lights, broken indicators, flat tyres or garages taking my entire life savings.
Instead, I'll just need the thighs of an Olympic cyclist, the cardiovascular fitness of Mo Farah and a small miracle to get 15 dogs up a hill in Wigan.
And when it's absolutely pi***ng it down in November, I'll just remind myself how lucky I am to live in a country where the people making transport recommendations probably haven't had to worry about the price of filling a work van in their lives.
Cost of living crisis? SOLVED. β
Fuel crisis? SOLVED. β
My mental stability? LONG GONE. β
Thank you, government. Another outstanding contribution to the lives of working people.
Anyway, if anyone sees me cycling through Aspull with 15 dogs, Leela screaming at pedestrians and Daisy filing for emancipation, please don't beep.
I'll already be having a fu***ng breakdown. π²π
Jo & Co Pet Care β powered by sarcasm, questionable government advice and one woman's rapidly deteriorating patience. πΎπ