06/08/2026
👑 ROYAL COUPLE UPDATE 👑
Against all odds, our King and Queen are still together and appear to be disgustingly in love.
🐾 KING MAYHEM
• Greets Kleo at the door like she’s been deployed overseas for 6 months instead of gone to work for 4 hours.
• Requires morning kisses. Refuses to elaborate.
• Walks like a drunk alligator when she’s not around. His leash manners have filed for divorce.
• We knew he’d regress somewhere. Thankfully it was leash skills and not his entire personality.
• Gains approximately 700 confidence points when Kleo is present.
• Loves to showboat.
• Tries to initiate play but appears to have forgotten how. It’s like watching your dad try TikTok.
• Has become slightly more protective of his most prized possession: Lena.
🎀 QUEEN KLEO
• Sweet. Dainty. Elegant.
• Also completely unhinged with a pretty pink bow.
• Eats a raw diet because peasants eat kibble.
• Has started copying Mayhem’s leash nonsense and now yodels at other dogs. We are not proud.
• Cannot p**p if Mayhem is nearby. The Queen requires privacy.
• When Mayhem is busy performing Barkour and launching himself around like a caffeinated kangaroo, Kleo quietly excuses herself to her crate and waits for the episode to end.
• Is obsessed with Emily the kitty.
• Loves cuddling Lena.
❤️ THE RELATIONSHIP STATUS
Mayhem relies on Kleo for confidence.
Kleo relies on Mayhem for protection.
I rely on both of them to not give me a nervous breakdown.
Somehow this dysfunctional monarchy continues to thrive.
Long live the King and Queen. 👑🐾
God save the staff 🤣 ❤️