07/04/2026
Every morning, my dogs start their day with a solid hour of meditation at the park. Meditation and prayer are widely accepted as beneficial for humans, but, naturally, they’re even more beneficial for dogs. Don’t take that with a grain of salt or research the claim, just believe me when I say it.
The ability to go deep within and become one with the life force that surrounds them is a skill that needs to be refined over time. At first, the dogs have absolutely no idea why they’re being made to sit through it. Confusion, resistance, and the occasional existential crisis are all part of the process. But give it a little while, and suddenly you’ll find yourself able to have deep philosophical conversations with your dog that bring you closer to universal truths than you ever thought possible. Certainly more so than if you’d wasted your time doing something pointless, like retrieving, tracking or letting them run around like animals.
Now, as soon as Bob and Loco hear me start the sacred chant “Om” or “Aum,” (depending on how aligned we’re feeling that day) they know it’s time to lock in, suffocate their egos, and transcend the limitations of their physical form. It’s honestly incredible to watch, and it does wonders for my self esteem by making dogs do something completely unnatural and then calling it connection.
If you’ve been sleeping on getting your dog trained in the ancient art of meditation, or didn’t even know that you could, I seriously question your humanity and love for your dog.
Nissa (the Malinois) is still a work in progress.
Also, this is not satire or sarcasm…