19/06/2026
Well worth reading xx
I've been in the horse world long enough to have seen some things that genuinely disturb me. Not things the horses have done. Things the people have done. Having come from a family involved in horse racing, father a jockey, uncle a racehorse trainer and aunt a show jumper. I have known many people involved with horses over the years and now in my own life too.
I'll be honest with you. I ask myself sometimes what I'm even doing here now. Whether I have the stomach for it. I've had some encounters in this industry that have shaken me, and they're starting to add up. I'm not someone who rattles easily, but there have been moments where I've sat with it and thought, is this really worth it? And I'm saying that as someone who is relatively grounded and has a strong sense of who she is. So what does it feel like for someone who doesn't have that foundation? Someone who is already carrying more than they're letting on?
Recently a shock su***de in the local equine community really hit home how taxing this industry can be. It made me sit up and contemplate many things.
There is a particular kind of cruelty that exists in this industry that we don't talk about honestly enough. Some of it is right out in the open and some of it isn't. A lot of it lives in comments sections and WhatsApp groups and conversations at shows. It's the constant evaluation of how someone rides, how their horse looks, how their yard is run, what they charge, what they can't afford, what they used to be and what they've become. Horse people watch each other with an intensity that would make most other industries uncomfortable, and the judgment that comes out of that watching can be savage. The pressure to perform, to look good, to "know" more. The condescending arrogance of some experienced horse people designed to shut you down, make you feel small and show you up.
I am tired of it. I am genuinely, deeply tired of watching bullies operate in this space and somehow maintain a reputation as people who just "have high standards" or "tell it like it is." There is a difference between honesty and cruelty, and too many people in this industry have convinced themselves they can't tell the two apart. Or worse, they can and they just don't bother.
For horse people specifically, their whole identity is tied up in this. It's not a job or a hobby they can step away from at the end of the day. When you attack someone's horsemanship, you're not critiquing a skill. You're going after who they are. And when that happens repeatedly, from multiple directions, from people who are supposed to be part of the same community, it erodes something in a person that is very hard to rebuild.
I'm not saying hard conversations shouldn't happen and I'm not saying accountability doesn't matter. But there is a real difference between genuine concern and trying to make someone feel small. There is a difference between an honest opinion and a coordinated takedown. Most people doing it know exactly which one it is. YET they continue anyway. It is toxic.
What I want people to think about it this... The person you commented on or about, the one you spoke about at the show, the one you added to the group chat conversation, they are a whole human being carrying things you know nothing about. Financial pressure most people in this industry would rather hide than admit to. Physical exhaustion. Isolation. A love for something that costs more than it gives back most of the time. And on top of all of that, a community that too often feels more like a tribunal than a support structure.
We have lost people in this world. Good people, horse people, people who loved this industry and were broken by the humans inside it. That is not something any of us should be comfortable with.
We are not going to fix this with awareness posts. We fix it by actually changing how we treat each other. By deciding that being right, or being seen to have the higher ground, is not worth more than another person's sense of self. By choosing, when we feel the urge to pile on, to just not.
And if you've been part of making this world harder for someone to survive in, this is a good moment to think about that honestly. Not defensively. Honestly.
